What’s your number?
No, not your phone number – I’m talking about number of sexual partners.
I don’t expect you to actually tell me. Hell, most people won’t even tell their spouse or current partner. The implications of having too many sex partners – or too few – makes it a sexual minefield.
We all know that people with numbers in the double digits are labeled as promiscuous. One girl I met freshman year once let it slip to a friend that she had already shacked up with more than twenty individuals. Soon the whispers and knowing looks followed her almost as faithfully as the trail of men in her wake.
On the flip side, there’s the shame of sexual inexperience. Unless loudly proclaiming that they’re saving themselves for marriage to anyone who gets within two feet, most college students don’t want to admit that they’re still carrying a V-card. One of my friends refused to tell her first sexual partner that she was a virgin. As it turned out, she was his first, too.
For some students, however, discussing former sex parters is a common pillow-talk topic. Most of my sexually active friends will inquire before or after a delightful romp ‘twixt the sheets just how many have come (or cum) before them.
If you’re wondering how you stack up in terms of sexual partners, the average in the United States in 2004 was 10.3. If that sounds like a lot, maybe you should move to Vietnam, where the average was 2.5. And if that number seems too saintly, consider Japan, where the average was 12.7 (despite their high numbers, the Japanese have the least sex of any nation — gettin’ it on just 46 days out of the year).
Men statistically report higher numbers of sexual partners than women. The international average for men is almost twice that of women. Even if you factor gay men into that equation, it’s evident that men are likely fudging their numbers up a little to seem more experienced – and women are likely lowering theirs to seem less so.
Why are we so damn curious about “numbers”? Concerns over sexual health, for one. If your partner’s sexual promiscuity rivals that of KISS frontman Gene Simmons, they are statistically more at-risk for carrying a sexually transmitted infection. Even if they used a condom correctly every single time, they still might be carrying a skin virus like HPV or herpes.
On the flip side, just because your partner has only slept with one other person doesn’t mean they don’t have gonorrhea.
People also ask because they want to know how they fit into their partner’s sex life. If you’re the 109th person they’ve laid, then you’re just another number; but if you’re one of the first, the implications are more serious. People ask about previous sexual partners because it gives them an idea of how that person views sex – whether it’s a sacred act or akin to masturbation.
And then there are those people who don’t ask. Maybe they’re the smart ones – nothing kills the mood more than mental images of your current partner getting it on with past lovers.
Which presents a new question: Is it even your right to know? I maintain that asking for someone’s number before getting down to business is completely justified, especially since the answer could make you change your mind.
Of course, there are better questions to ask, when you realize what you really want to know by asking for the “number”: “Do you have a disease?” “Are you more sexually experienced than me?” “Am I just another lay?” You’re probably going to get a more satisfying response.
In the end, sexual partners ain’t nothin’ but a number. Just look at Ron Jeremy.