“Americans take sex way too seriously,” a Northwestern international student said to me during Sex Week, “Sex is supposed to be fun.”
Damn straight. Despite our country’s fascination with sex – the more scandalous the better – there’s huge discrepancy between what happens on the screen and what happens in the sack. Other countries, like say, France, realize that nips and balls are nothing to giggle over (I challenge you to say “nipple” in everyday conversation with a straight face). Don’t be ashamed of sex — you’ve got many busy years ahead of you.
Stop being boring. My grandparents are kinkier than anything I’ve seen on this campus – they are passionate, fiery Greeks, after all. While not everyone was blessed with Greek blood, we each have five senses, so single them out and indulge. You’re guaranteed to make some unexpected discoveries.
Seeing
There’s nothing romantic about the faint light of someone’s dorm-room desk lamp. Turn the lights on. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at what your partner’s body looks like, especially when it’s grinding up against yours. Or, change it up and take the plunge during the day, in natural light. Besides, studies show that morning sex is healthy.
Being ‘visually appealing’ does not mean you have to be naked. In The Sacred Art of Striptease, seasoned stripper Diana Greenberg recommends keeping some clothes on. Experiment with some kinky outfits or lingerie.
Another great way to enhance the visual experience is by taking it away completely. Yes, I do mean blindfolding. A friend of mine tried this with his girl and said it was unforgettable. He felt vulnerable because he didn’t know what she was going to do next. “You know it’s going to feel good,” he said, “but you don’t know what it’s going to be.”
Hearing
Imagine you and your partner are on your bed (or on the floor, up against the wall, or however you hot young thangs operate). What are your sound effects? Chances are there’s some heavy breathing, the odd “Oops!” and lots of drunk idiots screaming in the hallway outside your door. Sexy? I think not.
Make a sexy soundtrack. No, you’re not a pervert if you do it. The right play list can create exactly the right mood. Think about what songs get you going and set the tone for your session – one friend of mine prefers “shit people take E to” as his love-making genre of choice. If nothing else, music will drown out the drunken gibberish outside.
Dirty talk is a requirement for a sexy atmosphere. Tell your partner what you like, what you love and what about them makes you wanna drop it like it’s hot. Just don’t let this get too out of hand … you don’t want to find all of fourth floor’s ears pressed against your door.
Taste
A major complaint of people who hate giving oral is that they can’t stand the taste. One way to solve this is by using flavored condoms, which can be found at your neighborhood CVS store. These come in a mind-boggling number of flavors – buy a few and see what tastes best. Or, don a pair of delicious edible undies for your partner to enjoy as he makes his way to your candy.
If you’re a true food connoisseur, make your partner into a full three-course meal. Babeland and Early to Bed (located on Sheridan Road) both carry a variety of choices for your main course. Top it off with a treat from Jessica Simpson’s Dessert line, which includes some fabulously tasty, completely edible body lotions and lick-able fragrances. Just keep in mind any allergies that you or your partner may have.
Smell
According to Psychology Today, sexual attraction may be based largely on smell. Conversely, unappealing smells are enough to deter someone, no matter how chiseled your abs or how cute your smile. Females are much more aware of smells than their male counterparts, so boys: clean up your dorm room. The smell of stale beer and unwashed cereal bowls literally keeps girls away.
All mammals have pheromones, or naturally occurring chemical compounds that, when secreted, attract the opposite sex. There isn’t a huge body of evidence supporting this effect in humans, but companies like Philosophy and The Scent of Eros market their products as aphrodisiacs. Some swear by pheromone candles to heighten the mood. The Sin in a Tin candle practically has a cult following. And if they don’t help you find a mate, at least you’ll smell nice.
Touch
Your nervous system is probably the best thing you’ve got –beneath your skin is a gold mine of hidden erogenous zones, sensitive areas that make you shiver when touched. Some common places: the ears, the neck, the insides of elbows and backs of the knees, pelvic bone area and – on guys – the area just behind his balls.
Not touching can also be a great sensory experience. Remember that scene in 40 Days and 40 Nights, where Josh Hartnett’s character gives up sex for Lent and resorts to erotically touching his partner with the tip of a flower in lieu of actually touching her? It was probably one of the hottest sex scenes in a mainstream movie. An easy way to tease your partner is by doing a striptease or exotic dance. Norris offers a variety of belly dance classes, and all kinds of exotic dance classes can be found in Chicago. Or just lock your door and practice some moves by yourself.
Sex Position of the Week: Missionary, Unholy Style
Lay your partner down on their back after some fun foreplay. Convince them to put on a blindfold – promise them it will be a sensory experience they’ll never forget. Next, have your partner put their hands over their head, grabbing that nifty bar on your Northwestern bed frame designed solely for this purpose. Tell them they’re not allowed to touch you. Without their sense of sight or the ability to touch you, their other senses will be much more attuned. Enter your partner and run your hands all along their body. Change it up – remember, they can’t see you and are helpless without their hands. Their body is your temple. Worship it!