They say that college is the perfect time for experimentation. During these four years it’s perfectly acceptable to change majors just as often as you change underwear. It’s also acceptable to drink to the point of alcoholism, or to run around in public naked, or to see how long you can survive on ramen alone.
The best part? After graduation you get to write off your ridiculous behavior as those “crazy college years.”
College also presents the ideal environment for sexual experimentation – hordes of sexually ravenous youngsters hopped up on booze living together in co-ed dorms. Whether it’s the infamous four-year queer or the guy who sleeps with a different girl each weekend, college students everywhere are testing the sexual waters. And what is the most cliché form of collegiate sexual experimentation? You got it – the threesome.
Yes, the threesome. This is high up on most people’s fantasy lists, and they’re happening all over college campuses. If you’re enticed by the idea of sharing your bed with multiple partners at a time, follow these guidelines to make sure your fun doesn’t end in disaster.
- Be careful when couples are involved. If you’re in a relationship with someone you truly care about, adding another person to the mix is likely to make things messy. Asking if you can bring someone else into the bedroom is likely to raise all sorts of questions for your significant other: “Am I not good enough?” “Does my partner find him/her more attractive than me?” “Is this a prelude to my partner saying that they want to see other people?” “Is my partner gay?” Even if the answer to all of these questions is no, you’ve still created a situation where your partner is self-conscious and not very likely to enjoy themself. If you decide to go through with it, be prepared for some jealously and the possibility that it could ruin your relationship.
- Make sure you pick the right people. If you’re in a relationship, there’s only one other person to pick, and there are all sorts of considerations to be taken into account. Do you want someone who is male or female? In a heterosexual relationship, the guy and the girl probably have very different ideas about what a threesome consists of. Do you want someone who identifies as straight, or gay, or bisexual? If you’re two gay males, you’re probably not looking for a straight girl to join you. Do you want a friend or someone you don’t know that well? If it’s a friend, you could ruin a friendship, but you don’t want to jump in bed with someone you don’t know, either. Whatever combination of guy/girl/gay/straight/friend/stranger you have, make sure it’s a good match for everyone involved.
- Make sure everyone’s comfortable with the idea. If you’re dealing with a significant other, they may be going along with it just to please you. Make sure that your excitement about the idea isn’t making you blind to their reluctance. And never, ever pressure someone to do something sexually they don’t want to.
- Establish rules. Is kissing allowed? Who penetrates who? Who touches who? Which sex acts are permitted and which are not? Who gets to spend the night? Will sexual orientations present an issue? Whatever the boundaries are, make sure everyone agrees and then don’t cross them. If someone does cross them, it’s perfectly fair to ask them to leave.
- Don’t be drunk. Sure, drinking is usually a prelude to threesomes, but that doesn’t mean that you need to down a fifth of vodka beforehand. Alcohol will impair your judgement, make you forget previously established rules, and kill your coordination. Plus, too many drinks and you won’t remember what happened, and who wants that? Have a drink or two to loosen up, then put the bottle away.
- Use protection. Change condoms every time you switch partners for penetrative sex (this goes for anal sex of any kind – i.e. don’t go from anal to vaginal without rewrapping). Use condoms and dental dams for oral sex. Only have sex with people you trust and who take good care of their sexual health.
- Make everyone happy. Since there’s three of you, one person is going to feel left out from time to time. Try your best to make everyone feel included.
- Be prepared for the fallout. When the sex is over, the situation can get awkward. Hopefully you’ve already established who goes and who stays, so the extra person (or two) can excuse themselves and make a quick exit. If you’re in a relationship, wait until the other person is gone and then assure your significant other how much you love and appreciate him or her. They might be feeling a little unwanted, so make it clear that you care about them first and foremost.
Threesomes are tricky business. But on the “crazy shit I did in college,” meter, it ranks way higher than streaking.