This quarter Carnal Knowledge will feature some reader questions. Questions are edited for content and length.
Dear Carnal Knowledge,
I’m a 20-year-old virgin. I have come in contact with sex more times than I can count, but I have never taken the chance and just dived in (as most people would). It seems girls are always wanting to hang out, cuddle, spend the night at my apartment, etc. But when things get hot and heavy and I ruin the moment by not having sex with them, they never want to hang out again.
The problem I face is the fact that because I am a virgin, I think I’m more scared of sex than excited to have it.
I am not what one would call “blessed” (though I never measured, I guess it’s “average”). I’m also scared of how well I would perform.
HELP ME OVERCOME MY FEAR OF SEX. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
Signed,
Vaporous in Virginia
P.S. – I’ve got somewhat of a beer gut. But I see men fatter than myself walking around town with gorgeous women all the time, and I’m not bad looking or a fashion reject. Got any tips?
Dear Vaporous in Virginia,
First, the good news: you’ve still got twenty more years before your virginity makes you the subject of social ridicule and mediocre movies starring Steve Carell.
You’ve got three major problems going on, VIV: fear of sex, obsession with your penis size, and a lack of confidence. Oh, and your choice in women. Where do you find these girls, VIV? You don’t want to have sex and they run screaming in the opposite direction?
Maybe that’s unfair. Let’s consider this possibility instead: maybe it’s the way you’re turning them down. Did you ever consider that they’re offering sex not because they’re sexually voracious nymphos, but because they think that’s what you want? They’re putting themselves out there by putting out. And you’re refusing them. Not only do they feel snubbed, they also feel like sluts. Unattractive sluts.
Try this instead: when a girl offers you sex, make it clear that you’d prefer to get to know her better first (if that’s true). She’ll probably respect and admire your restraint. Then go down on her.
Here’s the magical thing about cunnilingus, VIV: you don’t need a lot of experience to be good at it. Why? Because every girl is different. Most girls will be so thrilled that you want to perform oral sex on them that they’ll school you six ways from Sunday. Make sure you ask questions and pay attention to her responses, both physical and verbal. Use a dental dam or flavored lube if you’re worried about hygiene or taste.
The payoff for your fancy tongue-work? You get experience and a girl with whom you feel sexually comfortable. And the more comfortable you feel with her, the less scary the idea of sex will be.
Which brings me to my next point: giving a woman orgasms automatically cancels out your penis size. It’s that easy.
And those overweight guys you see with beautiful women? They’ve got a little thing called confidence. Get yourself some. (Hint: There’s nothing more confident than a man who’s just given a woman the best orgasm of her life).