Disclaimer: This edition of Carnal Knowledge is very graphic and includes diagrams of the female anatomy. Not safe for work, or class.
I thought that we were past the basics by now, kids. This is college, after all. But apparently I was wrong. Very, very wrong.
I’ve been writing this column under the assumption that most people who’ve taken high school sex ed (or hell, looked at a Playboy once in their life) have some fundamental knowledge of the workings of female genitalia. But this assumption was shattered last week when a (slightly inebriated) male friend of mine confided that he has no idea where the clitoris is.
I was shocked. No, flabbergasted. This guy was not living the life of a celibate monk — no, this was someone who had an active sex life, freely admitting that he was putting his dipstick into unknown territory.
And he isn’t the only one. The more guys I talked to, the more I realized that this was a common issue. Things only got worse when I started talking to girls. Believe it or not, there are girls who simply don’t know the difference between their bellybutton and their pleasure button.
So for those of you who didn’t spend most of middle and high school making coloring in diagrams of Bartholin’s glands, I’m providing a basic roadmap to the vagina.
If you’re a chick, the first thing I’m going to advise you to do is to get down with a hand mirror. I don’t care how weirded out the idea makes you — if you’ve never seen your vag, it’s time to get friendly. Guys have an unfair advantage by having their equipment all out in the open, so it’s time to even the score.
If the idea still makes you squeamish, just think about this: The better you know your own vagina, the earlier you’ll know if something’s wrong. Self-detection is your first defense against cancer and fertility-damaging STDs.
If you’re a dude with a girlfriend, just ask them to show you where their clitoris is (if you don’t know already). They might be embarrassed, but this can do wonders for your sex life. It’s not in the exact same place for every girl, so don’t assume that where your current girlfriend’s genitalia is at all similar to your ex’s. The only way to find out is to ask.
Before you dive in, a word of warning — a vagina in the flesh is not always a pretty thing. But you know what? Penises aren’t really that attractive either. The human body is gross sometimes. Let’s get over it and move on.
At the risk of getting clinical, it’s important to identify the different parts (I included the picture at the right for reference). I’ve been using the word vagina so far in this article to refer to genitalia, which is not entirely accurate. The correct word is vulva, which encompasses everything (the clitoris, the labia, the vagina, etc.). The outer and inner lips of the vulva are referred to as the labia majora and the labia minora, respectively. The mons pubis is the fat that covers the pubic bone. The actual vagina is just the, well, hole.
And then there’s the ever-elusive clitoris, located where the labia meet at the top. Contrary to popular belief, the clitoris doesn’t stop there. It actually extends in an odd wishbone shape (see the picture at left). When this internal part is taken into consideration, the clitoris is actually about as big as the penis. However, it contains twice (twice!) the nerve endings.
This extended clitoris is one explanation for the mysterious G-spot, which is located about two inches inside the vagina on the frontal wall. Although its existence is hotly contested in medicine, many women swear by the G-spot. To locate one, stick your finger up a vag (if it doesn’t belong to you, ask permission first!) and make a “come here” motion. It should be about the size and texture of a walnut. For some women, stimulation of this area is highly pleasurable.
Now that you’re familiar with the anatomy, let’s get into orgasms. The majority of women cannot have an orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation. And for some unknown reason, the clitoris is simply in the wrong place to be stimulated during sex. Sorry guys, but it doesn’t matter how long you pound away — she’s not going to orgasm unless the clitoris is involved. There are several positions in which either one of you can directly stimulate the clitoris with your fingers, and some women report that being on top makes it easier for them to orgasm.
Women, experiment with your body to figure out what feels good. If you can’t figure it out yourself, don’t expect anybody else to show you. Most women find that direct stimulation to the clitoris, increasing the speed and pressure over time, is the best way to reach an orgasm. It might also help to buy a vibrator, get some lube, read a trashy romance novel, watch a porno flick, or fantasize your heart out. Just figure out what does it for you and use it. Reaching an orgasm (especially your first one) can take time, so don’t worry about watching the clock.
Remember that the vagina has a very specific Ph balance — so don’t screw it up with harsh soaps, douches, sprays, tortuous underwear, etc. Doing so could cause a nasty yeast or bacterial infection. Wash your hands (and ask him to wash his) before touching your genitals, and take a leak after sex to prevent urinary track infections.
As for men: Do not treat the clitoris like a mini-penis. Since it contains twice the nerve endings, it can be highly sensitive and even gentle contact can cause pain. Use lots of lubricant, go slowly, and make sure you ask how it feels. If she’s willing to go down on you, return the favor. Oral sex is the only way some women can orgasm. Again, ask what feels good and don’t be surprised if she’s a little bit self-conscious to have you digging around in her nether regions.
It’s about time we ditch the ignorance and get familiar with female anatomy. Hopefully this information has made women’s “down there” area a little bit less of a mystery. Now go out put it to good use.