This weekend the Northwestern football team plays its most important game of the year. This late in the season, every win the ‘Cats can muster pushes them further away from the clutches of a terrible bowl game (no means no, Motor City Bowl!) and closer to the dreamy arms of a slightly more respectable post-season game (do you work out, Valero Alamo Bowl?). But even more importantly, Saturday’s game offers NU the best shot to do something the program hasn’t done since 1995 — beat the Michigan Wolverines at Michigan.
I’ve already penned extensively on why Michigan sucks (and really, you don’t even need a list) so instead, lets investigate another aspect of U of M’s football team — choice of mascot. Is the wolverine an adorable animal, or an abomination deserving of a life in Hell (read: Michigan)?
The wolverine is one of the most mysterious animals around. Most Google searches I do just lead me to X-Men fan sites or football message boards. A YouTube search yields even less content, unless you like Michigan slideshows featuring Hinder on the soundtrack. Thankfully, Wikipedia comes through, and immediately paints the wolverine in negative colors. The wolverine is a type of weasel, one of the fugliest critters around. Not looking good for the wolverines cuteness credentials. Maybe a video can help.
OK, they look a lot better than your typical weasel. Hmmm, what other videos have they got?
HOLY HELL, THAT WOLVERINE FOUGHT OFF TWO WOLVES.
As Wikipedia notes, the wolverine is deceptively strong, and sounds down-right nasty. These little creatures have been known to kill moose. Big moose, not some sort of growth-stunted moose I might add. This wolverine scares off a grizzly bear.
(Note: I’d like to apologize for all the dead deer in these videos. Not the cutest image.)
I think the ultimate criteria in deciding whether an animal is cute or not is if you get the urge to hug the beast in question. After watching the next video, I can safely say the only people who would be willing to hug a wolverine are wearing several layers of body armor.
My vote goes for not cute, and I’d also nominate them for “most fear-inducing weasel on the planet.” But don’t fret too much Michigan…it’s probably better to have a fierce mascot than something that screams “couldn’t strike fear in anything.” Though, I’m all for more offensive monikersbeing changed to something more huggable. To close things out, here’s a tribute some guy did to the wolverine, complete with Queen.
Go ‘Cats!