In honor of Pokémon: Black and White 2 coming out earlier this October, North by Northwestern has kindly added an update to your Pokédex: Pokémon found in the Evanston region. Starting off your journey on North Campus, you make your way up to the fraternity houses to look for a good time and slam some rare candies, when suddenly you enter some tall grass and encounter…
Froshfreez
Type: Ice / Species: Ineffective Policy / Location: Frat Row
Attacks:
- Greek-blocker: prevents Freshman-species Pokémon from entering Fraternity/Sorority Gyms for two weeks.
- Diaspora: sends an icy gust that forces Freshman-species Pokémon to flee… off-campus to sketchy parties.
- Welcome Draught: bans alcohol on campus for Wildcat Welcome. It’s not very effective.
- Blizzard: inflicts ice-damage to any Pokémon who are still wandering around Garnett at two in the morning looking for a party.
After capturing the particularly annoying Froshfreez, you stumble into one of the houses – Pi Kappa Alpha, to be exact. Exploring this haven of bros, you begin to hear what Prof. Oak once referred to as “sick beats.” Homing in on the sound, you come face to face with none other than a fabled legendary Pokémon:
Chestahaze
Type: Flying / Species: Musical Legend / Location: Pike House
Attacks:
- Freestyle: instantly infatuates enemy Pokémon with genius rhymes and def beats.
- Calendar: in a random number of rounds, enemy Pokémon will go on a date with ChestaHaze.
- White & Purple: absorbs an enemy opponent’s attack and repurposes it to counterattack.
- Drop New Material: sings an all new song for enemy Pokémon; out of excitement, enemy Pokémon are paralyzed.
Joining your party voluntarily, Chestahaze’s music rapidly sends you into euphoric trance and before long, you’re wandering around the interior of Tech. Suddenly, an aroma of something sinister permeates the air, harshing your vibe and crippling your aura. Searching vigorously for the cause, you stumble into a particularly bleak lab room and you realize what the scent is: SCIENCE.
Chemistree
Type: Grass/Steel / Species: Ambition Killer / Location: the bowels of Tech
Attacks:
- First F: instantly reduces ambitions and hopes of med school for scores of brainy Freshman-species Pokémon. Seventy-five percent chance of successful, instant K.O.
- Washout: clears the way for students who would actually not make terrible doctors or scientists.
- Formulae: introduces mathematics that no enemy Pokémon has ever seen and will likely not use again.
- Homework Barrage: for any Pokémon that remain after all other attacks are exhausted, inflicts “no social life” status on enemy Pokémon.
Quickly understanding that lab science is not your friend, you hurl Pokéballs at the looming Chemistree until it finally relents. It seems like you’ll have a chance to escape the lab, but find yourself cut off by another breed of Pokémon. Swarming like Zubats in a cave, you instantly realize what they are:
Youngun
Type: Normal / Species: Undecided Freshman / Location: Loitering everywhere, lost around Tech
Attacks:
- Enthusiasm: signs up for 100 listservs and ignores 99 of them.
- Naïve Powder: causes enrage status to enemy Pokémon by complaining about how this is the hardest they’ve ever had to work.
- Stress: sacrifices a turn to increase attack and special attack.
- Icebreaker: shares stat information with any other Pokémon in exchange for their stats. Both Pokémon forget this information almost instantly.
Pushing your way through the mob (and after using several cans of Super Repel), you exit the gargantuan complex of Tech with a new Youngun in a Pokéball dangling from your belt. Exhausted from your recent battles, you get on one of the shuttles to take you back to a dorm. However, you get on the wrong bus that ends up taking you to a grand, brightly lit stadium where humans battle instead of adorable pocket creatures. Out of this strange and looming habitat somersaults a new, feline Pokémon.
Williecat
Type: Ground/Poison / Species: Fabric Cat / Location: Ryan Field
Attacks:
- Acrobatics: distracts enemy Pokémon with remarkable feats of fabric mobility.
- Pump It Up: rouses all enemy Pokémon, even intoxicated ones.
- Disillusion: removes mask to permanently disappoint any child Pokémon.
- Hyper Rank: distract enemy Pokémon with the outstanding news that we’re actually ranked this year.
After exchanging an uncomfortable amount of high-fives, Williecat jumps inside a Pokéball and joins your team. Without warning, the lights shut off and a booming voice saturates the air.
“You have done well, young trainer, but you’re still one Pokémon short of a full party.” Purple lightning crashes all around you and in the flashes, you see an adorable little Pokémon with a purple sweater vest shooting the bolts. “If you can prove to me your worth, I’ll join your party!”
“But wait,” you cry out. “You’re a Pokémon, how can you talk?!”
“Any Pokémon can learn to talk!” the Pokémon announced triumphantly. “But I’m done with talking, now we fight!”
Mortichu
Type: Electric/Psychic / Species: Chill Dude / Location: Office of the President
Attacks:
- Discipline Pulse: paralyzes any Pokémon who doesn’t follow rules of conduct. Rarely used. ‘Cause he’s chill.
- Confuse Announcement: makes students think that they’re getting John Mayer actually only give them Nas.
- Grant Application: fills out grant application. On next turn, roll in the money for days.
- Professor: schools ignorant enemy Pokémon about economics. Enemy Pokémon are instantly K.O.’d.
After a fierce battle with the small animal, you force Mortichu into a Pokéball and complete your team. Now, with your Pokédex updated, you really can catch them all. All 649 of them!