With the brand new Pokémon X and Pokémon Y hitting stores this past weekend, it’s hard not to get nostalgic. Pokémon was likely the main childhood obsession of most of you reading this article, and now Nintendo went and made an all-new game in 3D. If you were anything like me as a child, you spent hours a day fantasizing about what life would be like with real live Pokémon roaming the world. Now that those awesome monsters are back and better than ever, this writer got to thinking about what life at Northwestern would be like with them roaming around campus, and here are a few changes that would be noticeable right away.
Sheridan Road would be virtually empty
Imagine walking out of Tech onto the Sheridan sidewalk at 11 a.m. on a Wednesday and being able to move. Sounds Farfetch’d (hehe), but in the world of Pokémon, who needs to walk to class if you could hop on your Charizard and fly there? Gone would be the endless traffic jam of students and obnoxious bikers trying to weave their way in and out of human traffic. For the chumps who didn’t own a flying Pokémon, it would be a straight shot all the way to South Campus. And for the ones fortunate enough to have one, the trip from the dorm room to class would seem instantaneous. Having hundreds of Pokémon trying to land in front of Kresge at the same time might get a little bit hairy, however.
C-Stores would become PokéMarts
With Pokémon on campus, you would be able to buy more than just a meatball sandwich at Lisa’s. PokéMarts would pop up all over campus and beyond, from Norris to downtown Evanston. Want to catch the wild Pokémon roaming around the Lakefill? Head over to Fran’s and pick up a bunch of Poké Balls! They might even have creepy old men in the back of the stores trying to trade with you or offer you free items like in the video games.
Winter wouldn’t be that unbearable
Winter in Chicago sucks. That’s a plain and simple fact, and nothing in the human world today is going to change that. But Pokémon have the ability to change the weather at will. A fire Pokémon can use the “Sunny Day” move and instantly make the sun shine wherever they are. Imagine being able to relax in the sun on the Lakefill in the middle of January! And even if that doesn’t work out, you could curl up with a Charmander on the coldest of nights.
Fire drills would be more common
Sick of waking up at 3 a.m. every other week in your dorm room because of a fire alarm getting set off? Guess what? It would happen a lot more with things like these roaming the halls. If something as insignificant as burning popcorn can force all 400+ residents out of Bobb, imagine what a single Fire Blast could do. Of course, the water Pokémon would create their fair share of problems too. One would expect the number of wall-to-wall bathroom floods to increase along with the fire drills.
Students would learn Team Rocket safety
In the world of Pokémon, the only threat to humans and Pokémon are the idiotic, bumbling members of Team Rocket. As completely unthreatening as they are, they are literally everywhere in the video games, and thus would probably be lurking all over Evanston (most likely by the Foster El stop). ENU: Team Rocket would likely be an event for freshmen during welcome week.
The keg would still be there
When do viable, respectable businesses ever close in the world of Pokémon??