How do you get a guy who is less-than-aggressive to notice you? I’ve liked this same guy for a while and I am always the one to put myself out there, but nothing ever happens. He has told me before that he likes me and so have other people, yet he still never does anything. What am I supposed to do to make him stop being so passive?
I don’t want to come off as a know-it-all, because I’m more of a not-at-all with this stuff. But let me try to back this guy up:
My freshman-year roommate was the exact description of the dude above (and sure, I may or may not be included somewhere in there too). In countless bunk-bed-time confessionals, he confided in me his feelings for a girl down the hall. This was within the first few months of the school year — the timing is important.
I would have felt bad for his pining, except that every night this girl would be sitting on his lap for uncomfortable amounts of time in our room (while I diligently and studiously did my homework, Mom). Sure, this was a frustrating distraction for me, but as it turns out, it was pretty frustrating for the girl too.
See, the seasons changed. Leaves fell from trees, the world around us became a frozen hell of wintry mix, and nothing with my roommate’s situation was different. Stagnation. The seasons changed again, the snow melted, animals awoke from their cute little hibernating holes and started copulating and… still no change.
This is when the girl had finally had enough. One night, after spending time at the beach (c’mon!), she just grabbed him, pulled him in and kissed him. You’d think that would be the end, wouldn’t you? It wasn’t.
Even after another round of late-night confession sessions, the man still couldn’t get himself right. He was unsure, he was scared. But ever so slowly, with more time, he gained some confidence and by the end of the year (pretty much on the last day of school) they were finally, finally together. (Aw, I know.)
Talking to her now, the lady in question says it just took some gumption (for the kiss part) and some patience (no kidding). And judging by how happy they are after eight months together, I’d say this is a good model to go by.
If he really does like you, alls you got to do is go out on a limb and make sure there is no way he can not know how you feel. The going-out-on-a-limb part is tricky, but if you’ve liked him for a long time, he must be worth it, and it’s got to be better than being in this weird, middle state where everything’s up in the air. It’s a risk to put yourself out there with some outlandish romantic act, and an extremely tough risk at that, considering there is usually so much on the line. Human emotions, for example. You know, that bothersome stuff that can make you not want to get out of bed for a few days.
If he still does zilch afterward, then that’s where the patience part comes in handy. But if he’s a total slacker even after that, you have two scenarios: He’s a slacker and he’s not worth it, so forget about it and move on; or he’s a slacker, so sit down and talk to him and convince him to be with you. A good way to convince him might be to say something along the lines of, “Holy Jesus, I waited an entire school year for you! Doesn’t that mean anything?!” That should at least get you a free dinner or a movie or a something.