Ted and Barney discuss bro-parenting; Robin tries to keep Marshall and Lily from moving.
It has been established that the group dynamic of How I Met Your Mother is, to say the least, strange. In light of their respective and overlapping dating histories, none of them should theoretically be as close as they are. Ted and Barney bring the absurdity to a whole new level, however, when they consider adding a baby to the mix, to be raised by the best of bros.
Now keep in mind that neither Ted nor Barney is doing particularly well. Ted has spent all of this season single, and his career success is making the romantic void in his life painfully obvious. Barney cheated on Nora with Robin and then left Nora for Robin, only to have her break his heart by staying with Kevin. After reflecting on their colorful histories with women and exploring the possibilities of going gay (unlikely), Barney and Ted discuss how cool it would be for two dudes to raise a child together without being committed romantically (which, as Full House taught us, is more than possible).
The guys note that their only truly successful, long-term relationship is with each other as bros—and maybe they should start a family of their own. After getting increasingly drunk and hypothesizing on the seemingly limitless benefits of kids without wives, Ted and Barney activate bro-parenthood (with a Wonder Twins-worthy fist bump) and decide to have a baby.
While filling out the online adoption application, the two have typical domestic squabbles over where they’d raise the baby and if they’d keep their jobs, with an additional bro debate as to whether Barney can have sex with the nanny. But once Barney mentions the necessity of a pet cobra in every child’s life, it becomes clear to Ted that they might not make the best parents.
In the midst of all this, Lily and Marshall have to figure out what to do with the house her grandparents gave them in “The Slutty Pumpkin Returns.” Now that Lily’s pregnancy brain has abated and she’s no longer convincing Marshall (who, as we learned in the New Jersey episode, loves suburbia-unlike Ted) to move to the suburbs, they decide to sell the house—that is, until they pay the fully-furnished home a visit and realize they really could start their family outside of the city. They leave it up to fate: if the universe gives them a sign in 24 hours, they’ll move; if not, they’ll stay in their suddenly too-small apartment. About five minutes later, a wealthy man from the above floor offers to buy their apartment, and Lily and Marshall have divine providence’s answer. At this point, Robin does all she can to convince them not to move—which, once they head out to the Long Island house for Thanksgiving dinner, involves locking herself in the bathroom until the pair promise not to leave.
Barney mysteriously shows up with a real live baby, and once again sells Ted on the idea of bro-parenting with proof that nothing is more attractive to single women than straight men with paternal instincts. Marshall and Lily, taking a break from the adult baby hiding in the bathroom, freak out over the sudden appearances of Hurricane Moseby-Stinson (or Stinson-Moseby, depending whom you ask) and Barney’s brother James, who shows up for dinner with his husband and child in tow. James explains that Barney was just babysitting his new daughter Sadie, and tells Ted that while he nearly tried to raise a child with a friend years ago, he’s thankful he waited to start a family with his soul mate. Barney and Ted yield and agree that, while the real thing is worth the wait, it’s hard to hold out for the right person.
Barney goes for a walk, which leads him to the bathroom window. Robin lets him in and tells him when he asks that, yes, they’re still friends. He launches into the winding tale of his and Ted’s would-be bro-parenting and just as he declares it would be crazy if he was someone’s father, Robin interrupts with a big announcement: she’s pregnant.
This episode, besides providing an abundance of foreshadowing that I admittedly did not initially catch, dropped the mother lode (no pun intended) of HIMYM plot twists. Many things might come as a surprise with Robin—her Canadian popstardom, her on-air slip-ups, her shooting abilities (which make her an excellent laser tag partner and of course, Barney’s soul mate, but anyway)—but the one constant has been her staunch opposition to having children.
It’s why her friendship with Jessica Glitter fell apart. It’s why she’s always avoided the subject of marriage. It (and Ted’s typical overzealousness) is even the reason why she and Ted broke up in the first place. Robin Scherbatsky is Canadian, she has deep-seated insecurities stemming from issues with her dad and she doesn’t want children. Now, she might not only have one, but she isn’t even sure of the father. While many shows have recently thrown the surprise pregnancy wrench into their storylines (Bones, Gossip Girl and even earlier in How I Met Your Mother with Lily last season), this was definitely unexpected.
Highlights
Marshall: “Baby, your grandparents gave you this house outright, so the way I see it, we have five options: one, sell it; two, year-round haunted house; three, giant fence around the perimeter—chimp sanctuary—there’s already a tire swing in the backyard; four, we destroy it with sledgehammers—I like four-"
Lily: “Or five: we move in, raise our children, and make this our family home.”
Marshall: “…'til they graduate, and then we destroy it with sledgehammers—as a family!”
Ted: “You all right?”
Barney: “Why wouldn’t I be all right? Barney’s single again! It’s what America’s been clamoring for!”
Ted: “Well, you just went through a break-up, that’s usually when people do something crazy. If you were a girl you’d have cut bangs and be dating you by now.”
An excellent scene in which Robin reminds Marshall of the time he tried to become a Ghostbuster, complete with Ernie Hudson.
Ted: “And a broken home? Um, what’s that? Our kids’ll never know, ‘cause we’re never gonna break up!”
Barney: “Why would we? I mean, sure, when your wife walks in on you banging a hot flight attendant, you get a divorce. But when your bro-parent walks in on you banging a hot flight attendant-“
Ted: “You get five of these bad boys right up high!” (they high five)
Barney: “And you totally join in, right?!”
Ted:...
Barney: “Whoop, no, there’s the line.”
Ted: “That’s the line, we found the line and it’s good we know where it is.”