Barney suggests Ted tries online dating (not that he hasn't before – remember the hot/crazy Blah-Blah girl he met while playing World of Warcraft?), but Ted says no, only to sign up in the privacy of his own rent-controlled apartment. He thinks he meets the perfect girl — Ghostbusters fan, etc.-- until he schedules a date and it turns out to be Barney. But fret not! Barney already did the grunt work for him, and found three perfect choices for Ted as ideal "palate cleanser" post-Robin's rejection.
Finally admitting that he's uncomfortable with his girlfriend being a stripper (whoa, honesty, whoa), Barney tells Quinn she needs to quit her job – but being an independent woman who doesn't need to be rescued, she refuses. So Barney fires someone at GNB and tries to give Quinn their job-- but not wanting to be caged (how Breakfast at Tiffany's), she refuses again.
In the meantime, Marshall has become an overzealous expectant father, setting alarms every three hours at night to prepare, swaddling his wife in blankets and using a watermelon as a practice baby (not too far off, considering Ericksens are generally giants). When a stressed-out Lily claims they can relax until the baby arrives, the two argue and Marshall insists they can't learn on the job. Supposedly conceding, Lily books them a trip to a baby boot camp and starts to drive Marshall to the "Waldorf Paradis," but when he wakes up, Barney's at the wheel, taking them both to Atlantic City so Lily can get a break.
At a casino, wearing his mad-at-Lily-t-shirt (this one, which he apparently had made for his girlfriend of two days in high school-- mystery solved!), Marshall is obstinate about being responsible- because his current crazy is the good kind! The paternal kind! It's justifiable!- which Barney understands — because his untamable jealousy is also good crazy! But lured by the promise of Barney once again donning the Ducky Tie if he gives him an hour to get tremendously drunk, he agrees to turn off his phone and let loose.
Barney's first online dating choice is perfect: smart, attractive, funny, a gun and scotch aficionado, Canadian – she's basically Robin. Actually, her name is Robyn (with a "y," as if that makes a difference here) and Ted can't help but imagine his Robin with him instead. In fact, all of Ted's dates become Robin, even a heavily-tattooed woman who bears no resemblance to her at all. When he's having a conversation in his head with a third Robin (to whom he hasn't really spoken in some time, if you'll recall), he gives up and admits that he's still in the process of getting over someone. As it turns out, so is this girl – so they sleep together, which, naturally, doesn't help them forget their exes. At MacLaren's the next night, Ted tries to tell his troubles to the bartender-- who also turns into Robin – and realizes that, yes, she might not love him the way he loves her, but she still loves him, and he shouldn't throw that away. On his way to go tell her he's been wrong, he's stopped outside the bar by Robin herself, who agrees that they need to talk, but it'll have to wait: Lily's in labor.
It remains to be seen whether Quinn is trying to wrangle a marriage proposal out of Barney – considering that's the only thing she'd give up stripping for – or whether she genuinely cares about him. It's also unclear whether Ted can actually be friends with Robin and nothing more. All of that will have to wait, though, for the next enormous Ericksen baby to be born in the season finale.
Highlights:
Ted: Barney, please, don't try to set me up with Quinn's stripper friends.
Barney: Oh, I wouldn't dream of it.
Ted: Why not? How many hints do I have to drop?
Marshall, upon waking up, seeing Barney driving and eating watermelon: What is going on?! Where is Lily?! What did you do to the practice baby?! And is there any left?
Various condolence high-fives following sad events.