Northwestern Head Football Coach Pat Fitzgerald will sign a contract extension tomorrow, according to an anonymous source who spoke to the Associated Press. The source said the number of years on the contract will be “significant.” So how will these next few years turn out? Through our research into alternate universes, North by Northwestern has obtained two letters from future versions of Pat Fitzgerald to his present-day self — take a look and see.
Dear Past Pat,
Let me just start off by saying, man you aged well. A little Rogaine and a little Touch of Gray gave you respect. The other coaches stopped making recess jokes once you displayed your salt and pepper intelligence.
Remember the haters; the sports writers who told you that the ‘Cats couldn’t compete in the Big Ten, that you weren’t capable of winning a bowl game? Well, they lost their jobs to computers (ironically because of Northwestern) and you won three bowl games in a row.
In 2011 that fat contract sat on your desk and you signed it without hesitation. Then the magic started. Persa skipped into your office proclaiming a full recovery while that Lithuanian soccer phenom announced his undying love of purple and American football.
Persa’s second chance gave you a second chance. He led himself to a Heisman and he led you back to the Rose Bowl. The pain of sitting on the sidelines, injured, in 1996 all but washed away as the ‘Cats won their first bowl game in 53 years.
The recruits started rolling in. You single handedly created a new generation of football player as the young physics geeks realized football was their best chance of getting into this highly selective establishment. We didn’t even need to hide our play calls against Nebraska because they didn’t understand quantum mechanics.
As I sit here in my corner office, I can’t help but peruse the cluttered walls. There’s the Sports Illustrated cover with you and Willie giving a chest bump. There’s the picture of you completing the Pat Fitzgerald Challenge at Merle’s, again. There’s the honorary Ph.D. the Morty gave you for being “awesome.” (His words, not mine.)
I was told once that success isn’t marked by the number of games you win, but by the number of stadiums that are named after you. I don’t buy into this statement but I guess the Northwestern big wigs do. Pat Fitzgerald Field will be christened in 2025, but the students have already started calling it Fitz Field. I like that better, it rolls off the tongue a little smoother. So did the guys over at Ritz crackers. A possible sponsorship is pending. Ritz Fitz Field is just too good of an opportunity for them to pass up.
As I reflect on these past years, I can’t help but smile the same way I did when Evanston gave me the key to their city so I could play night games whenever I wanted. It’s been a long road of trials and success (mostly success), and I want to leave you with two simple words. Thank you.
Your dear friend,
Future Fitz
P.S. Invest in the Shake Weight. It’s gonna be huge.
Dear Past Pat,
Let me start by saying this: Get out. Get out while you still can.
I remember that 2011 season. Hopes were so high – fans were buzzing, the press was talking and Danny Persa was mounting his Heisman campaign. When that contract extension came across my desk, I was all set to sign on with my alma mater for life.
We rolled through the nonconference campaign, eliminating the Eagles, pulverizing the Panthers and bombarding the Black Knights. We were ranked heading into our big rivalry game against Illinois, and my boys were hungry to bring home the Land of Lincoln Trophy.
Then, the day before the game, Danny tore his other Achilles saving a busload of children from a burning orphanage. We lost to the Illini, then proceeded to drop every game afterward. Even Rice beat us by double digits.
Thus began the downward spiral. Our stringent academic standards and cold weather – as well the cancellation of Professor Bailey’s popular Human Sexuality class – kept a lot of potential players away. We even hired Jim Tressel to, well, make four years in Evanston worth their while, but the kids still turned us down. The losing seasons started to pile up, and I began to think we wouldn’t win another Big Ten game.
Sadly, I was right. The dagger came a few years ago, when Jim Phillips announced we’d be scaling football back to a Division III program. Women’s lacrosse took over Ryan Field (Coach Hiller won’t let me hear the end of it), so we now play our home games elsewhere. Last week’s game against St. Norbert College, in fact, had to be postponed because Happiness Club was using Long Field to fly kites.
That’s not to say I’m not proud of my team. Ever since we started holding open tryouts, our student-athletes have given their all on the field (except when they have too much homework, or there’s a pretty good movie out). Plus, we can pull in almost 40 fans if the weather’s nice enough.
It may seem like a good idea, but whatever you do, don’t sign that extension. It dawned on me around the time Merle’s was relegating the Pat Fitzgerald Challenge to the kids’ menu – you can’t win here. Some other team is going to come calling, and I suggest you answer. I put all my loyalty into Northwestern, and look where I am. I could have made a name for myself, Pat. I could have been a contender.
Your dear friend,
Future Fitz
P.S. Future Carmody was just out running practice at the basketball courts behind Bobb – he wants you to tell his past self to retire when he gets the chance.