Congratulations! It’s the end of the year. Freshmen, you’ve made it through your first year of college in one piece (maybe missing a few toes, depending on how crazy that theater party from winter quarter was), and seniors, you’re going to graduate in a few weeks, provided you pass your Nature of Plants final. Sophomores and juniors, you’ve got some work left. All in all, we’ve each got our own reasons to drink, but if you need any other, look no further:
Dillo Day. If you don’t know what Dillo Day is, you obviously need to leave Tech Library for a bit and, you know, talk to people, but like Stephen Colbert said, the best explanation of Northwestern’s annual music festival is that it was started in 1972 to honor the armadillo, because armadillos are awesome and we should definitely replace our basketballs with them.
Today, celebrating the armadillo obviously means buying an armadillo beer holder, because if you’re going to be drinking all day, you better be doing it in style. And yes, when we say all day, we mean all day. That may seem intimidating at first glance, but at second glance-
Yes. Yes, it’s still very intimidating.
But never fear! North by Northwestern has you covered. Whether you want to remember your day or learn about it on Sunday in a Hangover-esque montage, here’s what you should be doing and when you should be doing it. (Speaking of doing it, be sure you know where to get your Dillo on this year.)
8 a.m. If you’re up this early, you’re obviously aware that the early bird gets the (tequila) worm. If you’re doing shots at 8 in the morning, you obviously don’t need NBN’s help in deciding what to start with, but our risk manager says that now would probably be the best time to try that celebratory flaming shot you’ve been dreaming of all year. Why, you may ask? So you don’t burn off half your face when, later in the day, you’re too drunk to take a flaming shot, that’s why.
For more milder Dillo daybreak, try the always-classy mimosa, because even if you make it with Andre, it’s as classy as you’re going to get today.
And if you want to start your Dillo with food instead of liquids, try a fruit salad. There’s the perennially-popular vodka watermelon, but you can also be a bit more unique and try a rum-soaked pineapple. It’s like a Caribou Lou that you can eat.
11 a.m. After you hit up the Kellogg pancake breakfast, you’ve got a couple options. If you’ve got your handy-dandy disposable flask, you should be good to go, provided you don’t get caught by the Evanston police. If jamming a liquid-filled plastic bag down your shorts isn’t particularly appealing, go party hopping! For some people, this actually does entail going to party after party, apartment building after apartment building. For the less ambitious, it usually just means checking your smartphone for all the parties you’ve been invited to, going to the first party and then staying at that party, because who really wants to walk all over campus when there’s a keg right there? Not Northwestern students, that's for sure.
12:15 p.m. This is when the field opens up for Dillo; the first band, The Earth Is A Man, starts their set at 12:45. At some point, you should probably attempt to get out to see some of the artists. Or at least say that you’re going to get there eventually.
Also, thanks to the powers that be, it’s supposed to be in the 70s for most of the day. Since it’s usually hottest at noon and during the early afternoon, now would be a great time to have some water or, at the very least, a mixed drink that will keep you more hydrated than straight shots or beer. Try a mixer without caffeine, like fruit juice, or just have a drink on the rocks.
It would also be smart to put on some sunscreen at this point, so you’re not dealing with a hangover and looking like a lobster tomorrow morning. Bonus points if you can find someone to “get those hard-to-reach spots” on your back.
1 p.m. Dillo’s beer garden opens again, for the second year in a row. Bring two forms of ID to the field and you’re good to go! Each beer costs $5, though, so it’s just another part of Dillo Day that you could pregame.
1:30 p.m. Cold War Kids are starting their set now. In celebration of the nonviolent, non-nuclear end to the Cold War (it ended like 20 years ago but we can still celebrate, right?), do the Big Lebowski a solid and have a White Russian.
Or celebrate with vodka shots. But remember: In Soviet Russia, vodka shoots you. Probably with an AK-47.
4 p.m. As hallowed as Dillo Day itself is the Dillo Day nap. If you plan it right, you can probably nap while an artist you don’t want to see is performing. Otherwise, just try to pass out in a relatively safe, quiet spot. You should be aiming for somewhere indoors, but hey, nobody’s perfect. And when you wake up, grab something with caffeine, like a rum and Coke, or if you’re really fancy, an Irish coffee. That might be a little difficult to make at this point in the day, however.
6 p.m. If you’re hungry at this point, grab drunchies; it’s the only time where it’s acceptable to show up at BK prior to 10 p.m.. You’ve been pre-gaming all day for the concerts, now, pre-food for the final a biggest acts of the night. Carbs are your friend, guys.
8 p.m. It’s thirty minutes to Aoki, and your next chance to get this schwasted won’t be until next Dillo Day (well, if we’re being honest, until Reading Week starts), so go hard in the paint. Whatever you’ve got left, make sure it’s gone before you head over to the field: They won’t let you bring liquids into the concert.
10 p.m. As soon as Aoki ends his set, you might want to hit up the bars in Evanston or go to an after party. If you’ve made it through the day and are still standing, you deserve to celebrate. Just remember that tomorrow morning is coming and just like the cute, slightly nerdy boy next door from every teen comedy made in the 80s, water’s gonna be there for you.