Sanctuary! Give us sanctuary!
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    It’s week eight of the quarter, and we’re holding out for a hero. The end is close, but not close enough. NU has apparently been looking for ways — sometimes extreme ways — to relieve its Winter Quarter blues.

    We all received a rather unpleasant email on Tuesday: The university is hiking tuition 4.8 percent. Luckily, financial aid is increasing by 11 percent, but that isn’t much comfort to those already paying the full shebang. Living on campus next year? That extra-special dorm experience will cost about $500 more. Does this mean they’ll be redoing the Bobb bathrooms?

    Perhaps a good show would cheer us up a bit, but Flight of the Conchords tickets, to no one’s surprise, sold out in about two seconds. Am I the only one who’s wondering how the Flight of the Conchords got so popular without ever having heard of them until now? The last time I heard of people camping out for show tickets was for Cher’s first farewell tour.

    But look no further for catharsis and comfort: It’s Vagina Week! The College Feminists and producers of NU’s Vagina Monologues are sponsoring a week of celebration of our favorite female sexual orifice. Events include a speaker on abortion rights, discussions about domestic violence, and the show itself.

    But it wasn’t just Vagina Week — it was also Eating Disorder Awareness Week! NU’s Eating Concerns Assessment and Treatment Team and Counseling and Psychological Services are telling students to be comfortable in our “genes,” making use of a hilarious pun.

    Who made the decision to run Eating Disorders Awareness Week and Vagina Week at the same time? (Think about it.)

    Maybe those crazy kids who jumped into Lake Michigan on Tuesday had the right idea: A little temperature shock might be the thing to get your mind off the Winter Quarter slump. Sixty volunteers dipped their bodies to raise money for the Special Olympics. There’s no doubt a frozen bum will distract you from that awful math midterm.

    At least Northwestern’s Fiedler Hillel Center received a $150,000 grant to help develop their online tools. The Covenant Foundation grant is awarded to the most innovative educational Jewish organizations in North America. I hope that means we’ll be getting to play online dreidel soon.

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