Sometimes it seems like Hollywood doesn’t have its priorities straight anymore. Film studios seem to be preoccupied with nothing but superhero sequels, movies based on board games and interminable rom-coms. But thankfully, there’s still at least one thing they’re good at: distilling a film’s premise into a two-minute clip full of quick cuts, thumping music and dramatic voiceovers. Every week, we'll serve up Hollywood’s hottest trailers without making you pay for a movie ticket. We all know the previews are the best part anyway.
Greetings, fellow trailer junkies! In this week’s lineup, Ryan Gosling takes down mobsters, Andy Dwyer takes down terrorists and awful CGI takes down Tarzan.
Gangster Squad
The Cast: Ryan Gosling, Josh Brolin, Emma Stone, Sean Penn, Nick Nolte
Release Date: January 2013
What’s It About?: Two cops (Gosling and Brolin) team up to take down mob boss Mickey Cohen (Penn) in 1949 Los Angeles. This new look actually looks pretty solid! I’ll ignore the usage of a contemporary rap song in the trailer for a period movie (but I still haven’t forgiven you, Baz Luhrmann) because the action scenes look gripping and the interspersed voice-overs comparing the mob take-over to an all-out war add to its tension. Plus, it’s great to see Emma Stone rocking the hair color she was meant to have. I’m also a sucker for the period costumes and sets. Granted, this trailer, much like the one that came out this summer, doesn’t reveal much about the plot besides setting up the gangsters vs. cops scenario, but at least it’s nice to see Sean Penn getting his crazy out in a safe, controlled setting.
Cool Guys Not Looking at An Explosion: One.
Zero Dark Thirty
The Cast: Jessica Chastain, Chris Pratt, Joel Edgerton, James Gandolfini
Release Date: December 19th, 2012
What’s It About?:The Hurt Locker director Kathryn Bigelow was working on this film about the efforts to hunt down Osama bin Laden before the events of May 1, 2011, at which point she probably had to make some furious rewrites. Now, the story presumably has a happier ending, but in between we are treated to disembodied voices berating intelligence operatives for their failures and laying on the pressure to finish the job. This new trailer reveals much more than the last, with peeks at more of the characters. The shots of Jessica Chastain (who is continuing her quest to be in every movie ever made) hard at work are reminiscent of Homeland in a very good way. It’s somewhat jarring to see Parks and Recreation’s Chris Pratt in a serious role, but this crime-fighting alter ego will likely be more adept than the one he uses on Parks (Bert Macklin FTW). The trailer wisely chooses only to foreshadow the final chapter inside the bin Laden compound, giving us just a taste of the sequence America will be dying to see. Now that’s how you sell a movie.
What Seal Team Six Operatives Do In Their Downtime: Play horseshoes, apparently.
Tarzan 3D
The Cast: Kellan Lutz, Spencer Locke
Release Date: Summer 2013
What’s It About?: This computer-animated German film promises a new take on Tarzan and Jane, regrettably without the voice talent of Rosie O’Donnell and the songs of Phil Collins. As the trailer started, my initial anger at hearing nondescript stock music instead of “Son of Man” or “You’ll Be in My Heart” subsided as German title cards gave way to our first look at Tarzan. And can I say, no matter how deftly this Tarzan swings on vines, he can’t help falling deep, deep into the uncanny valley. Seriously. This thing is Polar Expresslevels of creepy. But grotesque-looking character models and apes that look like they just stepped out of an N64 game aside, there is just so much that is questionable about this trailer. For instance, are the apes chasing him or are they his friends? They seem to be running in a pack, but then Tarzan has to escape them by swinging away? If they are his enemies, then why do they stop at the cliff awkwardly watching him? Moreover, this trailer tells us next to nothing about the plot of the movie, and in favor of what? We know Tarzan hangs out with gorillas and swings on vines. This trailer needed to show us a side of Tarzan we’ve never seen before, not re-enact scenes that were better animated 13 years ago and set to Phil Collins/NSYNC collaborations.
And I’m Not Just Bitter Because Of: My highly unsuccessful audition for Young Tarzan in the Broadway adaptation at the tender age of 11.
