Sometimes it seems like Hollywood doesn’t have its priorities straight anymore. Film studios seem to be preoccupied with nothing but superhero sequels, movies based on board games and interminable rom-coms. But thankfully, there’s still at least one thing they’re good at: distilling a film’s premise into a two-minute clip full of quick cuts, thumping music and dramatic voiceovers. Every week, we'll serve up Hollywood’s hottest trailers without making you pay for a movie ticket. We all know the previews are the best part anyway.
It’s been a slim week for us trailer aficionados, you guys. We’re in a bit of a lull before the holiday movie season, which is sure to be chock-full of great previews. But as the season starts, let’s take a sneak peek at a remake of a cult classic, a Gosling- and Tatum-less romantic drama and a potential Sylvester Stallone comeback. That should tide us over until we get our first look at Star Wars: Episode VII, right?
Evil DeadRelease Date: April 12, 2013
Cast: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci. Yeah, I’ve never heard of any of them either.
What’s It About?: A remake of Sam Raimi’s 1980's cult classic, this horror flick revolves around a group of college students who have a lovely vacation in an abandoned cabin during which absolutely nothing unusual happens. Just kidding, they get possessed by demons one by one. Shoulda gone to Cancun! I’m not usually a fan of horror films, but this one looks exceptionally well-made. The possessed teenagers look particularly horrifying, and I’m anxious to see what the object with the evil powers is this time around. In the original, it was an audiotape that infected the listener when played, but that may be about as dated as Mitt Romney’s haircut. Admittedly, the high production value is a departure from the original’s low-budget charms, but cheesy effects won’t fly nowadays, and cult classics are few and far between. If Raimi (going back to the horror genre after his work on the Spider-Man films) wants to risk Evil Dead’s fanbase’s wrath by pumping money into it, that’s his risk to take.
What This One’s Missing: Bruce Campbell, who starred in all the original Evil Dead films and went on to make fun cameos in every Raimi Spider-Man. Plus, he sure knows how to scream.
Safe HavenRelease Date: Feb. 8, 2013
Cast: Josh Duhamel, Julianne Hough, Cobie Smulders
What’s It About?: Are you a female or one of a select group of sensitive men? Then you probably loved The Notebook and The Vow. Well Nicholas Sparks, the guy who wrote the books those were based on, is behind this new weepie about a woman (Hough) running from her abusive ex who falls in love with a similarly damaged widower (Duhamel). This movie clearly was not made for me. But I have to admit that as overly sentimental love dramas go, this one looks pretty solid. Yes, the trailer is chock-full of tacky touches like the convenient hashtag at the corner of the screen for easy tweeting and lines like “would you like to go canoeing with me?” And don’t even get me started on the wistful indie-folk cover of “Go Your Own Way” that absolutely nobody was asking for. But the presence of Robin Scherbatsky is always appreciated, and my guilty appreciation for Julianne Hough extends past her appearance in Rock of Ages (on which I wrote a serious treatise in the last installment of “Trailer Trash”). While I may not go see this one in theatres, after this trailer I have reopened the possibility of a late night On Demand rental. That's the highest praise I can bestow upon a Nicholas Sparks movie.
Cobie Smulders/Robin Scherbatsky Fun Fact: She’s married to SNL’s Taran Killam!
Bullet to the HeadRelease Date: Feb. 1, 2013
Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Sung Kang, Christian Slater
What’s It About?: A hitman (Stallone) and a cop (Kang) band together to rescue the hitman’s daughter and investigate a massive conspiracy. The success of The Expendables and its sequel seems to have given Hollywood the inkling that the world was just dying for more Sylvester Stallone. Granted, those movies were successful, but only because every washed-up, aging action star got thrown together in one movie. Giving Stallone his own vehicle again is a bit like taking the success of The Red Hot Chili Peppers as a cue to release a Flea solo album. Stallone’s face seems permanently frozen in the same, mildly intimidating expression for most of the trailer. This preview gives us little reason to believe Bullet is anything other than a bunch of stitched-together parts of other movies. Especially stale are the “my daughter is missing and now it’s personal” plotline lifted from Taken and the contrasting buddy-cop dynamic lifted from Rush Hour, 48 Hrs. and the like. Yeah, this one doesn’t look too promising.
But On the Plus Side: Lots of stuff blows up!