Chet Hank’s Twitter is like Cribs, except the crib is Chet’s mind and we’re lucky enough to get a peek inside every day. If you aren’t already following him you should. Here’s a recap for those getting up to speed.
1. The tweet that birthed a legend. Before the single was finally released, Chet Hanks just seemed like an elusive entity that may or may not have actually gone to Northwestern. I heard tales of him being in PIKE or people having theater classes with him, but it was not until I heard the rap he became a corporeal being. Still haven’t met him, but he must actually go here if he’s reppin’ the “white and purple.”
2. I’m secretly really hoping this date actually happens. Maybe they can go watch a Lakers game together? It’d be a field day for the paparazzi. This would also probably entail a guest spot on “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” Wonder how @reggie_bush feels about this.
3. And if becoming a loose cannon street racer doesn’t work out, at least he has a Northwestern degree? But no worries, transporting dirty money for Miami mobsters always works out.
4. Mmmm. Frozen blackberries. The guy should work at Jamba Juice.
5. If Chet Hanks is bffls with Emma Roberts, this means he can show up in even more movies about the awkward teenage years with angsty youngsters getting into mischief. I’m envisioning him on an episode of Unfabulous and it’s amazing. Only if that really happened…
6. Is it for the free health care? Or for the authentic maple syrup? Nope, just a casual shout out to the U.S.’s neighbor to the north. Oh, Chet.
7. Anyone know if Chet took Intro to Psychology? Maybe he did one of those studies where they read your dreams. I imagine there would be exploding kegs of beer in frathouses and cyborg sorority girls all chasing after Mr. Hanks. A straight to DVD of something Chet Haze dreamed would surely fly off the racks. It would of course also be starring Chet Hanks.
8. At first I read this as a waffle bat and got really excited. Then realized it was a wiffle bat and that I didn’t really understand the rest of the tweet. I had to urbandictionary what a brizzle was.
9. Waking=walking, I presume? No music=no life? When the jack rips out I just picture Chet’s life going in extreme slow motion as his life is flashing before him. But wait, don’t iPods autopause when headphones fall out? Reincarnation. That’s deep, Chet. That’s real deep.
10. And the guy in the creepy van has candy if you help him find his lost dog. Fight the temptation!