College-centered cinema rarely offers new insight into the world of higher education. Most university-themed films follow this formula:
- Group of misfits face persecution from uptight administration / snooty frats / moral jerkbags.
- Misfits must pull off wacky action to save selves from some negative consequence.
- Party / sex / gratuitous nudity / an animal / all of the above.
- Misfits prevail, revel in glory, shame opponents, get laid.
Reaping interesting lessons from college-themed flicks presents a Trump Tower-sized challenge. Plus, college movies have shaped student culture so much that living in a dorm nowadays resembles life in a mental institution, except with more random shouting and booze. Even though the genre resembles a cinematic black hole darker than even the lightless-realm of rom coms, a few very valuable observations can be garnered. Important note: none of these moments involve panty raids or Will Ferrell.
10. Bedtime for Bonzo
I could go on for pages about how the mere existence of this film should have kept The Gipper out of the Oval Office, arguing Jason Alexander should be commander-in-chief for his superb work in the classic orangutan picture Dunston Checks In. But, this list focuses on college, so I will push my political ranting to the side. Bedtime for Bonzo focuses on a college professor (played by future President Ronald Reagan) trying to convince the dean to let him marry his daughter by … wait for it … teaching a chimpanzee how to act human. Yep, that’s the film.
Anyway, the real issue here is what Professor Teflon studies at the university. He focuses research (which probably eats up university money better spent on building better dorms or buying dining hall food not classified as “harmful if ingested”) on trying to make a primate act like people. So he can tap the dean’s daughter. As ludicrous as it all is, I can’t help but believe professors at colleges all across America devote research (and cash) to completely pointless and fruitless goals. I mean, not to belittle academic research, but I haven’t seen any major breakthroughs in, anything, for a while now. Ronald Reagan and his trivial pursuit of trying to teach a monkey man-like behavior illuminates a big truth about the world of higher academics:
Lesson learned: Professors waste a lot of money on stupid stuff.
9. How High
Ever feel like an utter failure, going nowhere, accomplishing nothing, just sitting around the house playing Xbox 360 all day waiting for K-Mart to call back about that job opening? Well, don’t fret, there’s a way to make everything better! Instead of learning valuable skills that advance you through the ladder of life, just find some magic weed and smoke it. That’s the Nobel Prize-worthy idea behind How High, a film finding beloved rappers Method Man and Redman creating a blunt out of a friend’s ashes, a spliff so powerful it grants the duo Einstein-level intellect when smoked, granting them entry into Harvard.
How High explores life for the most marginalized individuals gracing campuses today – potheads. Long stereotyped as filthy hippies stankin up hallways and displaying brainpower on the same level as buttered toast, marijuana users (or “people who listen to The Grateful Dead” as they are sometimes known) face constant persecution at the hand of “the man” (aka CAs hoping the dorm doesn’t burn down). Thankfully, How High shows Mary Jane doesn’t reduce people to mindless blobs engrossed by TV test patterns, but also sub-par rappers who use corpse-chips to toke up to break into the Ivy League. Or as scriptwriters. Now, who wants to take a trip to Grandpa’s urn?
Lesson learned: Potheads come in many shapes and sizes, but they should all be avoided the same.
8. PCU
The cleverly titled PCU focuses on political correctness (Get the title? Get it?) in university world, and how whack it is. To be honest, that part doesn’t matter because it sucks massively, and consists of nothing but gross-out humor and double entendres. (Instead of Skull and Bones, this film offers up Shaft and Balls. Yep, people made money off this film) But one line (uttered by Evanstonian and Entourage dipstick Jeremy Piven) stands out:
“What’s this? You’re wearing the shirt of the band you’re going to see? Don’t be that guy.”
Ignore the music connections. You never, ever want to be that guy. You know who “that guy” is. The person playing a saxophone in the bathroom because it offers them “a place to focus?” That guy. The loudmouth in your political science class who is always raising their hand, talking longer than the president’s State of the Union address? That guy. The dude always eating green Jell-O, and nothing but, at the dining hall? That guy. Don’t be that guy.
Lesson learned: Don’t be that guy. Seriously.
7.Animal House
A little cheap (Animal House appears later on), but it is the definitive college movie For this point, we look at the scene where famed frat freak Bluto goes London Calling on a guitar.
A scrawny pansy sits on the stairs of Bluto’s frat house during a rocking party, armed with an acoustic guitar . Mr. Open Mic Night strums away softly as the two young ladies sit entranced. This scene says so much with so little. College girls flock to boys who play guitars (don’t argue – I’ve seen it), regardless of how lame the songs they recite are. (Fun fact: Maroon 5 especially woos the women-folk.)
So, when Bluto walks over, pries the sensitive boy’s guitar out of his hands and slams the damn instrument into the wall, he’s living out the fantasy every envy-filled college boy who can’t stand acoustic noodling yearns for. Bluto’s blank stare afterwards sums it up – screw your guitar, and screw your lame tunes. Bluto would listen to Pantera.
Lesson learned: Don’t show off your instrumental talents in public. Most of the time, people will envy you and destroy your property.
6. Rudy
A timeless tale nearly everyone knows. Boy dreams of playing football for Notre Dame. Boy faces many hurdles. Boy works to overcome said hurdles. Boy makes it to Notre Dame. Boy makes team. Boy faces more obstacles. Team and student body rally around boy. Boy plays, and makes typical sports movie heroic play, and is carried on shoulders of teammates. Not much more needs to be said about Rudy, but we all should remember the valuable lesson embedded in the film.
Lesson learned: Every college student wants to be the center of attention. Attention whores, all of ya.
5. Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
Before I came to Northwestern, I never wanted to eat anything past 9 p.m. I might make some popcorn for a late movie or indulge in a wholesome glass of milk at midnight. But, upon arriving at college, this mindset got deep fried, as extremely late trips to Burger King and calls to Philly Best became the norm. When Taco Bell extended evening hours this year, I nearly threw a party just to celebrate all the chalupas I could now eat while the moon was out.
It’s not technically a college-based film, but enough happens in Princeton to give me a basis for including it. Harold and Kumar go to White Castle explores just how valuable late-night munchies are for one’s happiness. Sure, the title characters seek out greasy grub because they are baked, but their plight mirrors the average student’s cravings eerily. After all, college is basically one big drug (a drug that costs more than a yacht), a substance that makes kids stay up late and do stupid stuff (“dude, we are in college, we have to throw this sofa off the roof!”), so late-night food should be a must for the university crowd. Harold and Kumar champions after-dark dining, and remind the world how important a 3 a.m. burger can be.
Lesson learned: Late-night junk food equals everlasting joy.
4. Girls Gone Wild
I’ve never seen any installment of this series (yeah … that’s it), but the existence of this product illuminates important lessons. Obviously, the Girls Gone Wild brand exists for one reason (people love their jugs), but the concept, college girls baring it all to have a crazy spring break, plays a huge part as well. Spring break has always been considered a time for college kids to act like idiots in tropical locations. Relaxation takes a backseat to who can score highest on the breathalizer, turning taking it easy into an Olympic sport.
Girls Gone Wild shines a light on one of the most interesting trends displayed by college kids. University life makes young adults act stupider than they actually are, whether they are drinking enough to fill a bathtub or hooking up with whatever “hott” guy walks into the room. In high school, teachers always told me teenagers felt invincible behind the wheel, but I feel college is the ultimate cloak of security, a time where students can do whatever they want and brush off the consequences to the old “you only go to college once” maxim. Girls Gone Wild may be the extreme of college behavior, but really, they aren’t that much different than us.
Lesson learned: College makes kids do crazy, out of character stuff
3. Revenge of the Nerds
I could write my college thesis on how awesome Revenge of the Nerds is, but at risk of boring you to death (you already survived the moral argument portion of the article), I shall keep it short. Revenge of the Nerds reminds the social misfits and geeks populating campus (and, at NU, that’s a ton) not to give up hope in the face of what seems like social dominance by the bullies and brutes, and that it’s the dorks who have the talent and heart to shine in the end. Plus, nerds can play the electric violin. That just plain rocks.
Lesson Learned: We shall overcome.
2. Horse Feathers
Who knew a movie made in the 1930s could hold so much relevance today? The Marx Brother’s 1932 comedy Horse Feathers tackles collegiate athletics, and how shady they are. The fake-moustached Groucho plays the dean of a college, and wants to beef up his school’s football team. So, he aims to hire pro players for his squad, though he has to settle for fellow Marxians Chico (the one who fakes being Italian) and Harpo (the one who doesn’t talk). Wacky antics and much wordplay ensues.
College athletics have always been the land of the sketchy, but they are under even more scrutiny today than when vaudeville was big. The NCAA is wrought with cases of schools committing recruiting fouls to power up a sports squad. Somehow, the Marx Brothers called this trend over 70 years ago. Plus, Horse Feathers shows how hurtful sports programs can be to academics in general. NU doesn’t have to worry about this so much, but other universities watch as bloated basketball and football teams receive money that could improve education. So, a simple comedy from the Depression era offers insight into one of the biggest problems in college today. Maybe the Marx Brothers had the ultimate last laugh.
Lesson learned: Athletics ruin everything.
1. Animal House
Cited as the definitive college film responsible for inspiring every subsequent university-based flick, Animal House also left an enormous dent on college life itself, prompting decades of undergrads to party without abandon and do the “Shout” dance at nearly every affair. But, as freshmen across the country tape their John Belushi downing a bottle of Jack Daniels poster up, nobody seems to realize Animal House is more of a parody of higher education than a celebration of it. Whereas Old School revels in collegiate stereotypes and pure absurdity, Animal House touches on why college isn’t the end-all of life, and how ridiculous it can be.
The film’s final sequence sums up the lampooning. Belushi’s Deltas have just been expelled from school by the dean. Instead of pleading for their academic lives, however, they seek revenge against the dean and the snooty Omega fraternity that aided in their demise. During the school’s homecoming parade, the Delta’s wreak havoc, unleashing hell on the uptight school officials and destroying parade floats in the process. The exiled frat boys throw caution to the wind, and get revenge against a bunch of pricks before heading off into the sunset.
Animal House’s climax sums up the film’s sense of fun over seriousness, and college kids have long interpreted this to mean “we should go crazy in college, because that makes it more fun!” Remember, though, the Deltas were kicked out of college when they orchestrated their grand plan, and could care less whether they ever get back in. That’s because the whole point of the movie is to show how stifling college can be. Bluto and crew can’t truly be who they are (drunken slobs) at the university; they have to break free and ruin a parade to find peace. People say college is the best four years of your life, but Animal House urges viewers not to confine happiness into a stretch of 1460 days.
Lesson learned: Life goes on after college.