The levels of hell for a 15-minute celebrity vary greatly from level to tepid level. At the top, a failed celebrity appears on Dancing With the Stars. Next, his or her own reality show on VH1. Below that, a cameo in a comedy film. Moving further down, a video series on YouTube. On the next layer, the celebrity is ironically used in an Internet prank. Finally, the lowest of levels is having a video series on YouTube nobody apparently watches. Enter rapper and exile of “Gangster’s Paradise” Coolio, who can now lay claim to living in that last level, as he has a not-watched-a-lot cooking show on YouTube.
“Cookin’ with Coolio,” featured exclusively on YouTube, finds the rapper in the kitchen cooking up turkey and something with avocados. His kitchen fare may have some wacky names (see episode six, entitled “Tricked Out Westside Tilapia”), but the dishes never require Top Chef-level skill. But Coolio isn’t all rigid discipline! He brings that beloved brand of humor we didn’t know existed when he complained about “Amish Paradise” with him to the tiny, tiny screen. Joining Coolio is an annoying sidekick who repeats everything Coolio says (comedic gold!), and occasionally the cast gets really wacky and dresses up like beach critters (episode seven, “Swashbucklin’ Shrimp”) or saying he’s “thumbtarded.” Also, the dipstick duo are joined by two random women who stand in the background, apparently existing to just look good and laugh at Coolio’s line: “Have you ever seen a goose shit?”
Check out his latest episode, about making stir-fried vegetables. It features all the above and a bad mid-episode freak-out straight out of a ’60s drug film.
Coolio cares, too. He wants kids to eat vegetables, especially spinach. He’s even acquired a child by some means to prove his point. The below episode also sports Coolio’s catchphrase, “Shaka-zulu!” which translates roughly to “I won a Grammy?!?!?!?!”
Unfortunately, the people aren’t spending three valuable minutes they could be spending huffing glue, as most of his segments register only an average of 10,000 to 15,000. That sounds like a lot, but a video of a monkey urinating into its mouth has more than 317,000 views. Things have gotten so much worse for Coolio, he has even been forced to bring in guest cameos. Such as the terror that is Andy Milonakis!
At least Mr. Milonakis’ appearance offers a little relief for Coolio. Being a guest star on a YouTube video series nobody watches is the lowest level of celebrity hell.