Anyone who’s lived in an apartment has participated in the strange discourse that is public Wi-Fi naming. Like any open act of creativity, even something as plainly insignificant as a network name can reveal something about your personality. And, much like any act conducted over the Internet, we see the amazing things anonymity does to people. Here are a handful of Evanston’s very own expressions of individuality, uniqueness, art and absolute nonsense.
1. On or near Garnett
Rambo
You can’t just turn it off!
The Chicken Shack
I’m unsure as to whether the Chicken Shack has its own network, and if so, whether this is it.
The Crack Home
Nevermind. Here it is.
2. On or near Maple
Abraham Lincoln’s Cunt
Put your best foot forward, as they say. I wasn’t lucky enough to stumble into this one on my own. Rather, a friend told me to check in the area for “Abraham Lincoln’s Dirty Cunt,” and this is what I found. Nice to see he’s cleaned up his act in the last few weeks.
3. On or near Ridge & Church
FRANCO-EVANSTON
I know he’s been busy lately, but this is ridiculous. Still, at this point, this was probably the logical next step for James Franco.
4 Ladies and Gibbs
Gibbs has been shopping this idea around at CBS, but still can’t get a pilot deal. Get some for the rest of us, Gibbs!
WhoresomeFoursome
Gibbs is willing to step out of the spotlight if that’s what it takes, though. Humility is a virtue.
Admiral Ackbar
If you can guess the password, you should probably go outside once in a while — myself included. Bonus points if you capitalize your first attempt.
Boys Town II
This only makes the list because at first glance I thought it said Bad Boys II.
2 Blacks & a White
That’s it everyone, racism is dead!
2Chocolatesand1Caramel
In fact, it’s time to usher in a newer, sexier era of diversity and candy bars.
Whatchamacallit
... Is this one also about race? Okay, now I’m a little confused.
4. On or near Oak & Church
---_or_my_anus
They also say to save your best for last. “Currently connecting to the network — or my anus!” Good one, jokesters. “Or my anus” doesn’t have the catchphrase crossover potential of, say, “That’s what she said,” but don’t let it stop these guys. Someday, it’ll catch on. “Hey, wanna eat some lunch?” your future office coworkers will ask. Then, just as you’re about to respond — “Or my anus!” There lies our hope for the future, America.
5. On or near Sherman & Emerson
OWN
I’d like to think that Oprah lives here and Stedman did this as a little joke.
Psalm 19
And the Lord said, “Lift up your arms to me, so that you may get better reception. And try turning your AirPort off and on again. It’s weird.”
Stay away from my bedroom
Perhaps this isn’t the best strategy for alienating the public.
Booklovers
A very good strategy for alienating the public.