It finally happened. Everything was going according to plan. The weather was warm and the Natty Ice was cold. Your butt looked great in those leggings, and nobody made fun of you for not wearing real pants this time. But suddenly, none of that mattered. You got busted. Maybe you should have found a more discreet place to pee than in the middle of the road or a more sensible place than a back-alley dumpster in which to vomit. Regardless, now’s the time for you to sober up faster than a surprise phone call from your parents can. You have to talk to Evanston’s Finest, and they’ll be too apathetic to care if you pull out this handy guide right on the spot.
STRATEGIES BY OFFENSE
Busted Party If music was too loud, explain that even though you worked super hard on a playlist, nobody was dancing, and you had to do something. He'll cut you some slack.
Yelled Racial Slurs at Passersby As per Northwestern tradition, it's pretty hard to believe you will ever actually be confronted by an officer for this. Moving on.
Improper Behavior in Line at Burger King You'd have a better chance of getting away with murder than docking around at Burger King. Your best bet is to step outside and text your friends to grab your order of chicken tenders and two Hershey's Sundae Pies. But even if they do get that text in time, your night is ruined-there's no way they'll remember to ask for sauce. Avoid this at all costs.
