Tina Fey has been on top of her game lately. But with the recent conclusion of 30 Rock, she’ll have a lot of time to devote to new projects. That means she can finally start working on The Mean Girls Musical. Fey recently told E! News at the SAG Awards that she’d be interested in pursuing a musical version of the iconic movie starring Lindsay Lohan. Here’s a look at just some of the songs we’d love to see in the Broadway rendition of Mean Girls:
“Heiress of Toaster Strudel”
A ballad to honor the unsung hero of Gretchen Weiners, this song would capture all of Gretchen’s frustrations with trying to be the best friend for Regina George. It’s hard being the queen bee’s biddy. And why should everyone try not to get smashed by Caesar’s big feet when everyone likes Brutus just as much as they like Caesar? Expect this solo to be sung right after Regina snubs Gretchen in order to play favorites with Cady. Instead of wondering what secrets are hidden in Gretchen’s hair, everyone will be awaiting to hear what musical talent is hidden. It'll most definitely be fetch.
“Too Gay to Function”
Janis Ian coined the phrase, but Damien owned it. This dance remix would showcase Damien's love for Danny DeVito's work and his pipes used during his performance of Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful." The stage would transform into an alternate universe, where Damien is instead the leader of the Plastics. You better not piss off this king sitting at the top of the social ladder, or else you might just hear a nasty rumor about yourself. Expect a lot of glitter.
“I’m Sick (You Dumb Bitch)”
Also subjugated to Regina George’s cruel treatment, Plastic Karen Smith just wants to have some fun and go to Taco Bell. This song would be a duet between Karen and Regina, as their friendship is compromised when Karen refuses to hang out with her. What promises to be a showstopper will probably just end with a blackout as sudden as Regina’s phone hang-up in this iconic three-way calling scene in the movie.
"Jingle Bell Rock"
The holiday scene from Mean Girls is remembered as one of the most iconic movie moments of our generation. Between the tension stemmed from Gretchen and Cady switching spots in the lineup and Ms. Weiners kicking the boombox into an audience member's face, the scene is unforgettable. The same elements would be in the Broadway number, starting off as a salacious dance number and abruptly turning into a showcase of Cady's vocal chords.
"Why You So Obsessed With Me?"
Regina and Janis know too well that a middle school friendship could be tarnished by accusations of crack usage and adolescent homosexuality. "Why You So Obsessed With Me?" would be an angry response by Janis explaining what exactly happened between the Plastic and Spring Fling Queen nominee. Between that pool party she was never invited to and all the rumors about her being a dyke, Janis will definitely have a lot to sing about.
“The Limit of My Heart Does Not Exist”
Who couldn’t fall in love with the dreamy Aaron Samuels? Especially if he sat right in front of you during math class. Although Cady played games in a dirty attempt of taking the boy from Regina, we all know her feelings for him were pure and sincere that first time he asked to borrow a pencil. This heartfelt ballad would only hardly graze the crush euphoria that Cady had for the student soon to attend Northwestern.
“You’ll Always Be My Baby (Anyone Need A Condom?)”
Even though Fey joked about Mariah Carey playing Regina George’s mom (originally played by Amy Poehler), audiences would be awestruck if the legendary music diva appeared in the musical. Between showing up in a tracksuit and being there to coach the Plastics at the holiday show, Carey would surely impress. “You’ll Always Be My Baby (Anyone Need A Condom?)” would start off remembering Regina growing up, and break into a mash of melodies about her daughter’s budding sexuality.
