America's Next Top Model: Cycle 17, Episode 5
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    The episode starts off with a shout out to the 716 area code as Angelea revels in her glory as top photo of the week during the bus ride back to the models' house. Miss Ghetto Buffalo went from worst photo of the week prior to best, just further proof of this Tyra and the panel's erratic standards and rubrics.

    As for this week's main in-house conflict, it seems that Cheshire Cat smile Bianca has a bone to pick with good ole Christian Shannon. The Cycle 1 all-star created a system where each girl drew from a number from a bag, representing the order the phone was to be used. Bianca, drawing a ten and being last, obviously had a problem and confronted Shannon about the system. For some odd reason, Shannon broke into tears even before Bianca could start yelling or throw a punch. Maybe it was just her intimidating smile? Anyway, spitfire Lisa of course got involved and there was a lot of unnecessary yelling and bitching. Best part was Allison gtfoing right when the fight started. I could just imagine her saying "bai guys."

    The girls are taken to Santa Monica pier for their weekly challenge, where Miss J dressed in a slutty fisherman outfit lacking pants greets them. For their challenge, the models will be walking runway while wearing Kim Kardashian's new line. As Laura says, "They're like the biggest hottest things." I'm pretty sure she was talking about this family's fannies.

    And of course, it couldn't be just runway, as the girls will be riding a carousal and posing before walking. Unfortunately, there were no big falls or any pendulum collisions. A few of the girls had a bit of trouble such as Angelea — who Miss J described as "someone's alcoholic aunt" — but Lisa and Bre worked their walks as they made it through the runway. Both Cycle 5 girls ended up winning, expected, as their walks were much stronger than any of the other girls.'



    Back in the house, apparently there is a "Coalition Against Bianca" being formed, as Bre informs her fellow all-star. Where can I sign up? Because her attitude has been absolute stank.

    For the photo shoot, the girls are embodying the king of pop, Michael Jackson. To help coach the girls, LaToya Jackson shows up on set. Memorable moments include Angelea's thrusting and LaToya casually grabbing an abnormally large belt from her dressing room to lend to Shannon. The Jackson sister joins panel for judging. At first I thought Tyra Banks herself was going to introduce Michael Jackson as the guest judge, bringing him back for a night with whatever powers she has in Bankable Productions, but alas it was just LaToya again. However, the guest judge had the privilege/responsibility of choosing the order of photos this week.

    First call out was for Laura, who was able to convey the king of pop's lyrical warmness while still being a model. Left for the bottom two were Lisa, who couldn't keep her legs closed for another picture and Angelea, who looked a bit herp-derp in hers. Just before I was preparing to say farewell to my favorite ex-alcoholic or Miss Ghetto Buffalo, LaToya revealed that neither girl would go home. This marks the first double-save in top model history. And as Angelea is in tears, she thanks either LaToya, Michael or Jesus, whichever one that kept her around at least one more week to rep the 716.

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