I’ve been in Sevilla for four days, and almost everyone I’ve met has been extremely friendly and excited to befriend the lost American struggling with her jabbering Spanish. However, some people’s friendliness goes too far, crossing into unwanted intimacy, while others who I would like to befriend shy away from my mispronounced attempts to bond.
In coming to Sevilla, I wasted no time before getting acquainted with my fellow study abroad-ers, which indubitably included Spanish nightlife. After watching amazing flamenco at a hole-in-the-wall bar, we hit up la Calle Alfalfa, where we sipped cokes and observed interactions at the bar. Another (obviously) American girl was celebrating her 21st birthday, and some Spanish men took her slurred English and swaying walk as an invitation to grope her. She rightfully objected, although maybe not in the most prudent manner, as she took misplaced swings at multiple men. In shock, the men stood there as their girlfriends attacked the American partier. I wasn’t sure if I was more shocked that she tried to hit them or that the men hit on her in plain sight of their paramours. However, a catfight with hair-pulling and scratching ensued until one of the men went to take a swing and another man hurtled him out of the bar. That wasn’t the friendliest move, but I definitely appreciated it.
Why do some Spanish men think it’s okay to touch women, of any nationality, in inappropriate places without being invited? Especially in front of their girlfriends! I don’t understand it. These few gropey men give other Spanish men a bad name, just as sloppy loud American girls give us the well known easy name. Put the two stereotypes together and trouble befalls Spanish bars.
However, not all men out for the night are so crass and overly “friendly.” Outside of the bar, we met a delightful man named Simon, who admittedly approached us by telling my friend that she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen while consoling the rest of us with assurances that we were all a close second (thanks, Simon). Although he hit on us, he did it with jokes and with his hands to himself, making him seem silly, not sleazy. His ridiculous chicken dance moves and insistence on learning all of our names and our reason for being in Sevilla didn’t hurt either.
On the other end of the spectrum is my host brother, Alejandro. He is proof that while the stereotypical Spanish man can’t keep his hands off of American girls, in reality, many men can’t get away from us fast enough. In my four days here, I’ve only encountered Alejandro once for approximately 3 minutes. This is quite a feat since my room is right next to his and I leave my door open to appear friendly (Except when I’m changing of course, since I really do just want to be a friendly American, not a “friendly” American who bares it all in a “Girls Gone Wild” in Europe moment). While my friends are interested in Alejandro’s looks (which aren’t anything to sniff at, I must admit), I want to get to know him as a brother. Being an only child, I’ve always wanted an older brother to watch out for me and to let me hang out with his cool older friends, so an older Spanish brother who could help me learn the language and show me the best local clubs sounds absolutely amazing to me.
Unfortunately, I don’t know if Alejandro will ever be more than a passerby in our house. Apart from being dragged by his mother to meet me — and he was literally dragged: I saw her holding his arm when he appeared in the kitchen — he does a great job of hiding. Even when his mom makes him prepare dinner, he magically cooks and disappears before we arrive home from class. Doesn’t he know the way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach? But alas, Alejandro has yet to converse with me in Spanish as I eat his killer paella. He looks pretty fierce, with spiky hair and a tongue ring (which I saw when he introduced himself, not from personal inspection — I want a brother, not another “friendly” Spanish suitor), but maybe the crazy American girl stereotype has scared him away from being my friend and mentor while it brings other men running to do inappropriate things to me. I hope that as I learn to navigate both the streets and social norms of Sevilla, I also learn how to more forcefully reject sketchy guys who want to be more than friendly and establish a true friendship with Alejandro. But in the meantime, I have my pepper spray and Lady Gaga to put some “Alejandro” in my life.