In January, I was about to leave for Spain, where guys were rumored to be smoking hot and super aggressive. My boyfriend, Chetan, was going into the second half of his senior year, his last chance to drink like a tank and not be considered an alcoholic, with tons of cute college girls everywhere on campus. We’d only been dating for six months, and both had experienced long distance before—neither of our previous relationships ending well. I thought I would want to experience Sevilla with as few obligations in the US as possible, and I assumed he would want to take advantage of his last few months of college life uninhibited by a girlfriend over 4,000 miles away. However, I still found myself flying off to Spain in a relationship. (I guess we figured, “why not?”—the worst case scenario was we would break up and could just avoid each other until he graduated and left; best case scenario, we would work out and make it indefinitely.)
Thankfully, we’ve had a best-case scenario. But there are myriad pros and cons to doing long distance.
Pro: Avoiding Creepy Spanish Guys
I’m generalizing, but in my experience, Spanish guys are neither super attractive nor gentlemen. (Maybe they’re just not my type.) But when I’m out late at night, letting them buy me drinks, they potentially could become more attractive. If I were single, I may become friendlier with them, and ignore their ungentlemanly qualities. As it is, my favorite phrase for Spanish men is “tengo novio.” This doesn’t always stop the creeping, as they often respond, “ No importa. Tengo novia.” But then I get to lecture them about the importance of faithfulness in Spanish. It probably doesn’t stick, especially since my vocabulary on the subject is limited—but growing!—but I get the chance to put them in their place a little bit, and to realize how great I have it with my fantastic, faithful boyfriend at home.
Pro: Getting to Know Each Other Almost Too Well
Obviously it’s hard not being in the same place, but not being able to hang out and go on dates has forced us to talk more than I’ve talked to some people I’ve known all of my life. I’m a notorious babbler, but even I eventually will run out of things to say after countless hours on Skype if I don’t have chemistry with the person. We have trouble hanging up after hours of talking even though we talked for hours the day before, so I guess that means we have chemistry. Since we can’t make immediate plans for dates or whatnot, we plan for the more distant future. We already have a summer bucket list in the making (which includes cooking about 25 different desserts and building sand castles on the beach), but we also have talked about post-college plans in detail. We’ve discovered that our long-term plans are extremely compatible, which, yes, is jumping the gun since I’m only 20 and have no intention of getting married anytime soon, but it makes doing long distance much easier, knowing that although these five months apart are difficult, we have the possibility to be together for years to come.
Pro: Experiencing Single Life in a Relationship
In the two years and eight months since coming to college, I’ve only been single for about four months. I wouldn’t change that, but I only experience three single weeks between relationships. Being in Spain, I’m clearly still committed to my relationship, but being here alone has given me tons of “me” time, giving me perspective about what’s important to me back home. And while I love doing relationship-y things, having a boyfriend is a huge time commitment. Here I’ve had endless opportunities to have girl time, and have made incredible friends. Being here on my own has shown me that I’m totally fine on my own, but also that Chetan is important to me and I definitely want to keep him in my life.
Pro: A Connection to Northwestern
I suck at keeping in touch with my friends from home. We try to schedule Skype dates, but they somehow always fall through. However, we somehow always manage to be just as close when we reunite, so while I miss them, I know we’ll be fine when I get home. But if I never talked to Chetan, we wouldn’t have much of a relationship, and as a result, he’s become my only constant connection to Northwestern. And as fantastic as it is to be away from real work and the cold, I miss campus and the people there. So I like living the Northwestern life vicariously through him.
Pro: Computer Aid
I’m seriously technologically inept. As in, my mom has to help me with computer problems whenever I’m home. (Admittedly, she’s pretty proficient, but I feel like I should be more technological than anyone over 45.) While Chetan isn’t Steve Wozniak, he’s pretty good with computers. So when my touchpad broke here and stopped letting me type, I had a complete breakdown and decided that it was all Spain’s fault. He told me to buy a mouse and turn off the keypad when the mouse was plugged in, and Voila! My computer worked and I no longer hated Spain.
Con: Not Being There for Each Other
While my life in Sevilla has been a breeze for the most part, Chetan still has had Northwestern classes, plus ridiculous hours in lab, plus studying for the MCAT. In reality, it probably was better that I wasn’t around, since I would have been a huge distraction while he was studying, and as much as I would try to be understanding, I can be pretty sulky when I don’t get sufficient attention. But it was still hard to be here and not be able to support him as he poured over his notes and practice tests. Sending him letters and calling him to check in just didn’t feel sufficient to me. I wanted to be there to do work with him (minus actually doing work), and to make him food so he would remember to eat, and hug him when something didn’t go well.
Con: Lack of Sleep
I knew the seven-hour time difference would make talking to Chetan difficult, but I wasn’t prepared for how much sleep I would lose because of it. Spain is ahead of the US, so Chetan and I usually talk before I go to bed. This should be okay, since the Spanish schedule generally starts much later than the U.S. schedule, but I stupidly signed up to have class at 9:00 three mornings a week, meaning I have to wake up at 7:30. I usually get into bed and mumble at him for an hour before going to sleep. The downside of this, besides lack of sleep, is that he only sees me late at night, sans makeup, lying on my side so that my face is distorted. (I guess it’s a good sign that I’m comfortable enough with him to let him see me like that?) But I have no idea how he’s still attracted to me. When I asked him, he told me that I always look beautiful, but that seeing me like that every day makes it easier for him to do long distance. Thanks.
Con: I Miss Cuddling!
According to Chetan, I’m a dreadful cuddler, but regardless, I still miss it. I hug my friends here a lot, but hugging or snuggling with girls isn’t quite the same.
Obviously for me, the pros outweigh the cons. It’s hard and I miss him every day, but strangely enough, for us, long distance has made us closer. When you omit the physical and only have the verbal, it’s easier to see if you’re right for each other. I think for me, I needed to get away from Northwestern to realize just how great Chetan and I are together. So I can honestly say I fell in love in Spain, even if it was with someone back home.
Read Sarah’s previous post or Meet the rest of our study abroad bloggers.