After yet another disheartening loss to Penn State, which essentially eliminated our men’s basketball team’s shot at the NCAA tournament, perhaps it is time to look at the lighter side of sports. With that, I give you some of the more entertaining tweets from some of Northwestern’s athletes.
Drew Crawford
“I heard since both Jerry Sloan and Mubarak stepped down within the last 24 hours, Mubarak is gonna coach the Jazz next year. #championship”
Only at Northwestern would you get a star athlete who makes jokes about political uprisings in the Middle East. Those football guys running the drug house over at Iowa should take some notes. Hey-o!
“I have a Toy Story folder #smh… I swear it was the last one at target…but its kinda tight tho..”
I just enjoy the idea of sitting in a class next to a 6-foot-5 basketball player and watching him pull out a Toy Story folder. Also, I want to know if he teared up a little bit at the end of Toy Story 3. (Not that there is anything wrong with that!) And is he a Woody or a Buzz guy? This tweet raises so many questions.
“@juicethompson22 sounds like snorlax right now.”
Pokemon tweet! Throw in the comparison between the basketball team’s smallest player and the largest known Pokemon (Snorlax is 6-feet-11 and weighs 1014.1 pounds) and you’ve got a tweet that made at least one amateur sports columnist snicker!
“@croatiancat21 has the tolerance of Kimbo Slice”
This Crawford tweet excited me the most. At first, I thought Crawford was talking about Luka Mirkovic, and I instantly pictured Luka pouring beer over and through his facemask at the Keg, like that Office episode where Dwight plays basketball. However, Luka is actually Serbian (Medill F for me!) and @croatiancat21 is actually Ivan Peljusic. While that does knock down the unintentional comedy factor somewhat, the comparison between Peljusic and Kimbo Slice is still pretty funny. Frankly, I could fill this entire column up with Drew Crawford tweets, but we should spread the love around, right?
Alex Marcotullio
“This cab driver smells like fat bastard. “Even stink would say that stinks!”"
Undoubtedly an accurate tweet. Something about driving a car for eight hours a day must cause your body to secrete God-awful smelly hormones or something. I’m not a science major. Props on the Austin Powers reference though. Also, isn’t it depressing that Mike Myers hasn’t had a significant non-Shrek role since 2003? And that was in The Cat in the Hat! (Note: his IMDB page curiously omits The Love Guru, undoubtedly an intentional removal.) That guy was a huge factor in my formative years and inspired to make fart and poop jokes throughout middle school.
“@HarrisonDani6ls #mmmmmyounghummaaa”
This is obviously a reference to quasi-rapper Yung Humma of Turquoise Jeep Records, a quasi-rap group. Oh, what’s that? You don’t know Turquoise Jeep Records? They’re known for such classic singles as “Lemme Smang It” and “(How do you want your eggs) Fried or Fertilized?” So now you now. Tweet Marcotullio about it.
“”They’re takin Alan out… YOAST YOASTTT… Don’t you take out my son!” -Alan’s dad #rememberthetitansquotes”
There’s not actually any inherent comedic value in this tweet. But I went to T.C. Williams, the school that Remember the Titans is based on, so I had to give a shout out. Heck, I’ll sneak my own favorite quote in here. “All right, now, I don’t want them to gain another yard! You blitz… all… night! If they cross the line of scrimmage, I’m gonna take every last one of you out! You make sure they remember, forever, the night they played the Titans!” – Coach Yoast. Go Titans!
Ivan Peljusic
“I’m fallin in love with Bill Maher!”
Alright for open, liberal man-love! I’m not really a huge Maher follower, but a quick search around the Interwebs reveals that apparently he did some funny monologue about Brett Favre’s junk. Cool! ‘Cause like, nobody else did that at all!
Juice Thompson
“@QDavie41 fam its my birthday so can I borrow that lime green suit you wore for your high school graduation?”
Lime green suit, way cool. It’s funny to imagine either of these athletes actually wearing such a suit. Really, it’s funny to imagine anyone wearing such a suit. Pretty self-explanatory tweet.
Quentin Davie
“Check this touch screen soda machine out….. http://plixi.com/p/74777807″
I saw one of these Terminator-style soda machines last week at a Wendy’s. It has 106 different soft drink combinations, and can basically put a fruit-syrup into any and all brands of soda. It was a delicious and refreshing reminder that we are one step closer to the machines taking over our lives.
Jeremy Ebert
“Halftime show huge letdown…. What happened to janet jackson and JT that was entertainment”
Ebert spends most of his tweets informing us that he is taking a nap, but here we get back to some good old-fashioned public nudity. While I disagree somewhat about the halftime show for this year’s Super Bowl, I wholeheartedly endorse bringing back Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake for the halftime show. This is a shrewd ratings move just waiting to be made. Really, the only way the Super Bowl could get higher ratings is if they tease us with a Jackson encore. Everyone in the country would watch the halftime show instead of getting up to order more pizza. I know I would.
On that note, we now have to get back to the universe of real sports. The one where Northwestern, the Cleveland Cavaliers of major conference college basketball, is well on its way to missing out on another NCAA basketball tournament. Eh, let’s just go back to Drew Crawford’s Twitter feed.