Whether you're lending one (or two) to your partner or taking matters into your own, hands are magnificent, often underused and/or incorrectly maneuvered. These complex body parts are the Swiss Army Knives of sexual ecstasy. That's if one knows what's what in the world of handiwork. We'll help you take fingering and handjobs from foreplay to artform.
Variance is key
Dan Savage, sex ed extraordinaire, implores all penis-grabbers to vary grip, speed and conditions when being stimulated by a hand (either alone or with a partner).
“Left hand, right hand, a little lube, a lot of lube, firm grip, loose grip. You don't want to ruin [yourself] for partnered sex by using the ‘death grip,’” he writes. Clenching one’s fist mega-tightly around the penis will make it, well, harder to experience the same-quality sensation with a mouth, vagina or anus.
Savage’s advice also applies to vaginas. Mixing it up in terms of speed, finger pressure, number of fingers applied, pleasure zones stimulated and vibrator/lube usage helps teach you how to come and then come again under any condition. If you’ve gotten used to a vibrator, try taking a vibe-vacation for a week or two and reintroduce yourself to your own or your partner’s touch. Vice versa for those who find it difficult to orgasm with finger stimulation: Incorporate a teeny finger-vibe (CVS sells one by Trojan) or bullet vibe (the classic Pocket Rocket is available in most sex shops and online) into your routine. Use one of these vibrators in conjunction with some hand action and see if the combo makes a world of difference.
Work out to enhance your partner’s handiwork
Exercising your pubococcygeus (PC for short) muscles while your partner digitally stimulates you is a surefire way to intensify your pleasure. This increases blood flow to the genitals, and the more blood that’s flowing, the happier (and easier) the ending will be for both of you. Doing Kegels involves the act of squeezing and releasing your pelvic floor muscles, giving you a toned pelvic floor regardless of gender. To locate your PC, stop peeing mid-stream and notice the downstairs clenching. For those with vaginas, working these muscles out for a few minutes a day leads to stronger G-spot orgasms while being fingered. For those with penises, Kegels are proven to combat premature ejaculation and improve the overall strength of erections when being handled by hand.
Multitasking makes everything better (as does lube)
When contemplating the complexity of the vagina, do not fear: The trick is to tease different erogenous zones and work up to stimulating everywhere at once. Start with tracing the labia lightly with your fingertips, and tease the clit lightly with a few strokes until your partner is adequately wet (if this is an issue, common for those on medications ranging from anti-depressants to birth control pills, water-based lubricant is your BFF!). Explore the much-neglected space between the clit and the vaginal opening, as well as the actual vaginal opening without penetrating it yet. Once your partner wants more, use one hand to stimulate the G-spot by inserting a finger or two palm-up, and making a “come over here” motion about two-knuckles in. Use the other hand to stroke the perineum, press down on the pubic mound (which isolates blood flow to the area and intensifies sensation) and/or make circular motions around the clit, taking care that the exterior of the vagina is just as lubed as the interior so that repetitive rubbing is smooth sailing.
Oppositely, the penis is often treated too simply—a partner jumps right in, jerking the shaft off with a hand and that's it. Instead, start with a similar approach to the one mentioned above: Tease the whole package with your fingertips, running them from the perineum (taint, people!) to the seam of the balls, up the shaft and around the head, making sure to pay attention to the frenulum (the tiny ridge underneath where the head meets the shaft ). A dry handjob is never fun, so make sure to slather your hands with either a long-lasting lube (silicon-based) or saliva if you’re lubeless or your partner is cool with it. Use your dominant hand to make a corkscrew-shaped up-and-down motion on the shaft, with your palm repeatedly passing over the ultra-sensitive head. Increase speed and pressure accordingly. Balls need love too: Gently cupping them with your non-dominant hand provides a highly-enjoyable sensation.