Last night’s iCarly was really boring, so I’m going to try to talk about it as little as possible in this review. Let’s get the basics out of the way now. “iGet Banned” followed two pun-inducing plots. First, Carly and T-Bo get in a fight over T-Bo’s frequent intrusions into Carly’s home. Carly bans T-Bo from her home, and T-Bo bans Carly from The Groovy Smoothie. Second, Gibby and Freddie try to impress some generically attractive, mostly silent girls by pretending to be in a band called The Floors (in a surprising show of Schneider restraint, not a single reference to The Doors was made).
Did you catch the pun? Banned and band? Get it?
That was the most exciting part of the episode. So in an attempt to forget about “iGet Banned” as quickly as possible, I’m going to fill the remainder of my word count with my hopes and dreams, specifically my hopes and dreams for the remaining episodes of iCarly.
My first request for Mr. Schneider is simple: more Spencer. Please. Jerry Trainor is a Nickelodeon institution. Hell, he’s an American institution. Give him the screen time he deserves (all of it). I wouldn’t even be sad if you have to cut out some minor characters to make this happen. Do we really need T-Bo? No, we don’t.
My second request is totally unreasonable: get George Clooney to guest star as Carly and Spencer’s dad. We’ve waited so long to finally get a glimpse of Mr. Shay that anyone else would be disappointing in my book.
My third request is completely understandable: kill someone off. I don’t care who it is. Spencer is the obvious choice. Fire is the obvious culprit. Plus this would pretty much guarantee the return of Mr. Shay, so everyone wins. Except Spencer. This might seem to contradict my request for more Spencer, but that’s only true if you rule out the ghost and/or resurrection option. This is really the send off he deserves.
My fourth request is seemingly rational: end the webshow. Carly, Freddie, and Sam have to grow up eventually. Send them to college. Get them jobs. Or make them web celebrities. These are really the only options (outside of the aforementioned death option). And let’s be completely honest, it would be lame if they became famous enough to make a living from the webshow. What would be the lesson in that? Work hard and you can achieve your dreams? That’s stupid.
My fifth request is actually a solution. For all the bickering Creddie and Seddie shippers out there, I propose a compromise: polyamory.
That brings me to my final and most important request: please, keep it weird. This isn’t a normal show, and it deserves more than a normal ending. As happy as I would be if all of my iCarly hopes and dreams came true, I’d be even happier if the show ended in a way that I was not at all expecting. Even if it turns out it was all a dream (or a snow globe), I’d be content. All that really matters come November is that the show stays weird to the bitter end. Because that will make it so much easier to say iGoodbye.
