Today I am ready to speak openly and objectively about my most recent heartbreak. The physical relationship wasn’t long — only about a week — but thoughts and plans had been in my head for weeks, months, even years. For some time, I didn’t even know that I had such strong feelings, but I did. And now that it’s over, and has been for a little bit of time, I’m ready to tell the story. This heartbreak isn’t with a guy, or a childhood friend; this is a story of a girl and Greek life.
I was interested in sororities long before college. I can’t tell exactly when I realized that I wanted to go Greek, but I know that I always equated it with camp, which was and will always be one of the most important things in my life. I felt that the sisterhood, matching shirts, inside jokes, all of it was just like camp in college. So, when it came to recruitment time, I was the most excited. I watched as my friends prepped questions and planned outfits weeks in advance and laughed. I wanted to be myself. I wanted this relationship to happen as spontaneously as it could in such a forced manner. I felt like that was the only way for it to be real. A foundation of lies doesn’t hold up very well. While the process didn’t seem like it held much time for people to really be themselves, that seemed like the only way to truly be happy. And when you are true to yourself, everything works out.
As recruitment week advanced, the numbers dwindled. Girls on my floor were dropping like flies as their favorite houses cut them. Some of my friends wanted so badly to be in a sorority that they were willing to “pref” (rank the highest) any house that in which they felt remotely comfortable. For me, though, I still had my love. I had a relatively happy week of rush. I experienced a little disappointment but for the majority, I was fine. I had faith in the system and in the higher powers. When it came to Preference Night, I had my absolute favorite house and my least favorite. I was upset, but held on to my optimism. I knew love would find the way. Isn’t that what always happens? In Love, Actually and Friends with Benefits and every other ridiculous rom-com, love always wins.
The hours before Bid Night were nerve-racking but I tried not to let it bother me. I had visions of the Hollywood moment when I would open my envelope and see the name of my top sorority written on the card. I had thought about “suiciding” (only ranking my favorite house) or being mean to my least favorite house, but I decided against both of those ideas. I was a good person and so good things should happen to me. At this point, I only really wanted to be happy and in a sorority that I felt comfortable in. If this were a movie, “Sweet Disposition” would be playing as I slowly pulled out the card and let out a sigh of relief. Instead, I read the name I dreaded and pushed my way out of the room.
Never having been involved in a real relationship, this was the first time I really ever felt my heart break. I’ve lost friends and it’s been sad, but it’s always been more of a drifting. This was a sudden moment, a realization that sometimes it doesn’t always work out. I was heartbroken, in every sense of the word. I ran out of Leverone and immediately called my parents. I was that girl running down Sheridan sobbing into the phone. As my friends ran outside to be greeted by their new sisters, I went back to Bobb to have a good cry and lie in my bed. The next few weeks were hard. Everyone was excited, and they should have been. I tried my hardest to be happy for my friends. As the days passed, I was able to remove myself from what happened.
I’m still upset I’m not involved in Greek life this year, but next year I’ll rush again. After watching the process though, I will not change myself. I will do exactly what I did this year and if I’m rejected again, I will know that the process is not right for me. My optimism and faith has miraculously returned: I know that being myself is the only way I will be happy in or out of sorority life. Going Greek is important to me, but remaining true to myself is the most important part of my life. If I can’t be accepted as who I am, then I don’t want to be accepted at all.