Allow me to preface this blog with a personal assurance that you, loyal readers, will never have to read about Snoop Dogg’s Fatherhood. My love for trashy E! “reality” shows begins and ends with the buxom blondes of The Girls Next Door and the bootylicious brunettes on Keeping Up With the Kardashians. This is a blog for all those secretly drawn to the deliciously vapid, to the fabulously mindless, to Kendra Wilkinson’s soul-sucking cackle.
I’m plunging into the trenches for you, to watch all the Super New! Super Trashy! Super Addictive! girly E! TV. If you’ve never seen The Girls Next Door or Keeping Up With the Kardashians, let me catch you up: the shows are about Hugh Hefner’s three Playboy girlfriends’ wacky, sexy, and often naked misadventures and the wacky, sexy, profanity-ridden lives of the Kardashian sisters (as in Kim Kardashian, of sex tape fame), respectively. That’s really all you need to know.
Recap: “Learning Self Defense”
I know some of you may assume all the Kardashian sisters do is whine about the woes of being privileged and make sex tapes and pose for Playboy, but nay, they are working girls (and not in the Pretty Woman sense). Together, the sisters run Dash, an upscale women’s clothing store. Fame and success comes with a price, and in tonight’s episode, a non-Kardashian underling working at Dash paid the price when the store was vandalized by a chubby man in a grey hoodie.
So, of course, the girls decide that to counter the risks they face in dangerous Calabasas, CA, they’ll take an hour of self-defense classes. When, after their extensive training is complete, aged step-dad and ex-Olympiad Bruce Jenner is able to dominate even the mannish Khloe (that’s right, with a “K”), mom Kris (again, with a “K”) decides to take the girls to a shooting range. I know you may not have seen the show before, but take my word for it when I assure you, these are not the kinds of women we want carrying firearms.
Even during such a serious period, Kim (of the sex tape) finds time to guide little brother Rob into the world of male modeling. With the exception of Kim, every member of the Kardashian/Jenner family chastises Rob’s decision to quit school and move to Tokyo to pursue his career. I know, I know you’re on the edge of your seat, but don’t worry, his girlfriend convinces him to stay in school. Thank God he’s dating Cheetah Girl Adrienne Bailon and not some irresponsible High School Musical whore.
The Like, Super Opinion Thing!
First of all, the Kardashian sisters completely overreacted to the whole vandalism at the store thing. Honestly, they’re rarely there anyway.
Secondly, Khloe Kardashian should not be allowed to shoot a gun. The girl is angry and bitter and could definitely snap and take out half of the camera crew one day. Granted, she comes from the same loins as Kim and Kourtney (there’s that misplaced “K” again) Kardashian and somehow came out more manly than Rob. Personally, I think if she’d scare the shit out of any would-be criminal.
Finally, Rob probably would have done well to head to Tokyo. He’s barely on the show anyway and when he is, his sisters are just meddling in his personal affairs anyway. Plus, the producers at E! could have made the girls visit Japan and offend an entire culture of people with their inconsiderate stupidity. Ratings would soar.