Thanks to Stuff White People Like, the latest blog to become the favored distraction for every digital Jedi under the age of 18, we now know the joy that white people experience whenever they talk about bands no one has heard of, or take a bite out of an overpriced Panera sandwich.
But what about Northwestern students? Where’s the Web site devoted to all the things we can’t get enough of?
Unfortunately, it seems that the best thing we can hope for is a crappy top ten list.
10. Wasting time on Facebook
Face it. Facebook is as essential to the college experience today as the shower sandals your parents bought you from Target during New Student Week. In fact, it’s probably safe to assume that we all abandoned our MySpace pages the second the acceptance letter came in the mail. Admit it.
“I think Facebook is probably the most distracting casual network site,” said Medill junior Tania Chen. “It’s a great way to network without being awkward.”
Without Facebook and the ability to upload photos of friends no one ever looks at, how else could we justify wasting precious study time? Even more importantly, how would any of our 100 plus friends know it’s a good time to IM if we couldn’t tell them our status for every hour of the day? Thanks to Facebook, finding a free computer in the library during finals week is next to impossible due to the fifty or so Scrabulous addicts playing five games at once.
9. Sleeping whenever and wherever possible
Remember high school, when all-night Halo sessions and hanging out at the 7-Eleven until sunrise were staples of a successful weekend? Remember all those times you told your friends that “sleep was for the dead”? Good times, right? So, if staying up late into the most unholy hours of the night is so much fun, then why do Northwestern students take more naps now than they did back in kindergarten? The explanation is simple: Staying up late is only cool when you’re doing something fun. It’s a shame that the hours of lab reports due Monday morning are not as stimulating as all-night, strip Guitar Hero.
“On average, I get maybe 5 hours [of sleep] a night,” says communication sophomore Caroline Guo, “I’ve gotten used to taking 3 a.m. showers.”
Sleep is probably the single greatest factor to take into account when it comes time to choose classes every quarter, as students debate their choices: “Hmmm … I need to fill a math distro this quarter. Should I take the 8 a.m. ‘Intro to Math 101’ or the 1 p.m. ‘Advanced Physics 410’? Decisions, decisions….”
8. Bragging about procrastinating and/or slacking
Northwestern students are masters of procrastination. The greatest lessons we learn during freshman year are how to write a five-page paper three hours before class, and how to cram nine weeks of lectures into eight hours of studying.
“It’s a good excuse to get by by not doing anything, but feel like you’re doing something,” said Weinberg junior Charlie Warner. “I did it a lot during high school and I still do it now, so it works out OK, I guess.”
Even better than accomplishing such feats of academia, however, is finding the perfect opportunity to elaborate on a particularly legendary tale of laziness. Any short-term studying accomplishment is rendered meaningless without a story that involves a thirsty Thursday, oversleeping on a midterm day, running to south campus with a hangover and acing the test without studying.
7. Clogging their arteries with Chipotle
Chris Hugi, Weinberg sophomore, knows exactly why Northwestern students love Chipotle.
“It’s really filling,” says Hugi.
If Quiznos and Chili’s had a baby, they would name it Chipotle. According to the Bible, on the tenth day (after creating Wii on the eighth and laser tag on the ninth), God created Chipotle and it was delicious. In fact, Chipotle has inspired countless scholars and adventurers throughout the ages. The two theses Martin Luther left out in his 98 Theses were thus: #99 – Chipotle must be made available to all people and #100 – Chipotle must be open 24/7. Sir Edmund Hillary’s real reason for climbing Mt. Everest was because he heard a rumor that there was a Chipotle at the top — with the entire menu half-off. Since so many Chipotle lovers have high aspirations and think little of challenging the unknown, it is no curiosity why so many Northwestern students will destroy their bank accounts to eat it every other meal.
6. Reliving their childhood with Disney movies
When you get to college, Disney movies eventually become more than just classics. They provide a means of escape to a simpler time where the biggest decision you had to make was “Super Nintendo or Sega Genesis?” There is no better way to forget about a midterm that determines 25 percent of your final grade than to join a few dormates in a late-night viewing of Aladdin.
“They’re fun,” said Weinberg senior Shelly Stephens, “It’s a good way to escape from the academia. Aladdin and The Little Mermaid are my favorites.”
5. Pretending they go to another college
If you still can’t figure out why Northwestern students have reputation for being over-privileged nerds, then you obviously haven’t taken a close look at some students’ wardrobe choices. It’s pretty safe to say the there are more students who wear MIT sweatshirts here than at MIT.
“It’s kind of weird,” said Medill junior Alan Wu. “I understand if it’s because of a relative or where you came from, but if it’s because that was the school you really wanted to go to, then why are you here? People should be cognizant of the implications that come with the decision they’ve made.”
Look closely and you’ll see that all of the Ivies are represented in full force. In a few years, it shouldn’t be too hard to imagine Harvard or Stanford opening a campus gear shop of its own right here at Northwestern. Be even less surprised when their stock flies off the shelves faster than you can say, “Dillo Day.”
4. Complaining about everything
Northwestern students love to whine, bitch and moan. Whether it’s about classes, the university, or the fact that they have to attend Northwestern instead of one of the overrated Ivy League schools their parents couldn’t afford to buy them into, NU students never miss an opportunity to say just how much higher education sucks.
“We’re not whiners,” said Communication sophomore Nina Lu, “but we have so much stress that it’s a way to feel better. It’s not bad.”
The best way to enjoy complaining is to keep all of your grief bottled up inside until a friend/roommate/boyfriend/girlfriend/Medilldo thinks it would be a great time to unload every tiny, insignificant problem or annoyance on you when you have enough problems of your own. Since you couldn’t care less about the latest midterm that apparently ruined their lives, set up a trap by overplaying how bad your day was. No Northwestern student can stand being less miserable than another and, therefore, not as hard-working or deserving of sympathy, as other students. The target will no doubt languish endlessly about the horrific week they’ve had. After having played them right into your hands, proceed to escalate the contest by describing the entire month’s worth of agony you have been suffering through. Unless you’re competing with a hardcore Medilldo or a McCormick student, you should win this arms race without much trouble.
3. Pouring all their work-study money into Starbucks
Northwestern students like their coffee. Since they don’t get enough sleep, they begin to rely on it to function like a human being. These aren’t the only functions, however, that Starbucks fulfills in an NU student’s life. Starbucks doesn’t specialize in selling plain, everyday drip coffee. They specialize in selling gourmet coffee.
Jonathan Kent, a Weinberg junior, frequents the Norbucks location on campus regularly, and can see why students pay a little extra for a good brew.
“I like the quality. While it’s more expensive, you get what you pay for,” Kent said.
Ordering gourmet anything on a daily basis makes younger college students especially, feel more sophisticated, smarter, and less intimidated by some of the bigger brains they see in lecture raising their hands to answer every question with ease that the professor asks. “If those people drink Starbucks and I do too, then I must be on their intellectual level,” they reason. Starbucks knows this, and reinforces this feeling by creating a pseudo-intellectual in-store atmosphere by streaming Brazilian jazz (after all, what could be more sophisticated?) in tandem with CNN playing 24/7 on a fancy, flatscreen TV.
2. Eating free food
Nothing makes a speech, meeting or info session more attractive to undergrads than free food, especially if it’s Chipotle. If there is enough food to last more than an hour, and the event is scheduled so it doesn’t conflict with the one class everyone actually tries to attend, then location won’t even factor in attendance. No matter if the event is held at Tech, Kresge or McCormick Tribune, students will fill the room. Even field of study remains irrelevant, since hunger wins over any small amount of shame a Medilldo may feel when taking food from a engineering guest lecture.
“I once remember walking from Sargeant to the Alumni Center on south campus for a free meal,” said McCormick freshman Frank Jiruska. “I don’t remember what was there, but I remember that they had free food.”
1. Skipping classes
Northwestern students have made skipping classes an art form. The best part of skipping classes is that it combines both bragging and sleeping. Sleeping in over an 8 a.m. class the day before the midterm, and then acing the test, is considered a triumph of sleeping and bragging, a win-win outcome.