Dear Diary,
Today was the worst day of my life ever. I fell down today when our class was playing kickball in gym when it was my turn to kick the ball and I broke my butt off I think!! The nurse is old with spotty hands and an ugly yellow dress that made me think of Daddy’s shower sponge. She said “Oh Cecilia you always come to the nurse’s office to get out of gym class!” And I was like “My Mom won’t be happy if Cecilia Millford has a broken butt and kickball is for angry kids and I am a happy kid so give me a Blow Pop and I will go back to class and you don’t know anything about anything (my brother says that all the time when he reads Mom’s Victoria’s Secret magazines and I tell him he doesn’t wear bra’s so he should give them back to Mom!! Duh!!).
I got an icepack from the Nurse but no lollipop because the whole world hates me and I don’t think I want to play kickball when I’m older anyway. I’m going to live in Candyland (so much candy!!), near my grandpa’s house in Connecticut. There will be unicorn farms and I will train them to make candy for me and all my friends (Sarah, Mara, Clara, and Billy but he’s kind of dumb so we only let him play with us inside…). And I can ride them!
I’m actually very good at riding and feeding animals pieces of food. Pet food is smelly. But I don’t understand why Mom buys the cat food because Marshmallow eats her poop anyway. It’s chocolate so she is a really really really so smart cat. I like to pet her, and we play Doctor and haircuts together. I am the hair dresser because I can hold scissors and I like money more. Last time Marshmallow told me she wanted to have a Mohawk because she is trying to be cool. I was like “Mohawks are not pretty. You will look like a stegosaurus and dinosaur pets are only ok in movies and you aren’t green so it wouldn’t even work,”. But I did it anyway because I love her. More than Mom!! But that’s only because I took off too much and now she doesn’t have one of her toes so Mom took my Hannah Montana special deluxe karaoke singing machine away. So I told my Daddy that it broke and he got me a new one and now I feel very very happy inside like I am full of baby puppies.
Having a cat is hard work though because boys only like dogs and no boys will like you if you have a cat and you tell everybody in math class that you do and then they all know. I was sitting in my favorite blue chair by the lunch cubbies in my perfectly perfect dress with a cat on the top with a little gold crown and that’s when it happened. The best part of the day! I can’t say who it was or what they look like because if someone reads my diary (stay out Mr. Binney!!) then I will be so so embarrassed and will probably die. But then THE boy came up to me and threw his pencil at me and said “Cats are for stupid girls!”. Mom told me that when boys do that it means they love you and want to hold hands for maybe all of recess. I kept the pencil. It says “Merry Christmas Oakwood Elementary School!” and is glittery green. It’s my favorite and I use it all of the time like right now and I will never ever chew on it. I forgot today was a good day!!
Love,
Cecilia Millford