Congratulations! So you got into Northwestern. On this most fortunate and joyous occasion, I am here to explain to you why coming here is a fairly bad life choice. Maybe not for your future because you’ll get a pretty good education here and maybe even make some nice contacts. Still, there are plenty of reasons why Northwestern sucks.
You will not have the same breaks as your friends because you will be on the quarter system. In May, when everyone’s Facebook status is “Finals, almost done!” yours will be “MORE MIDTERMS. FML.” You will have to pray that internships will accommodate your weird summer schedule (I warn you, they often don’t) and then you’ll be bored out of your mind in September when all your friends are back in school, your internship or summer program is over and you are stuck at home.
You will never feel like you are smart enough or involved enough because someone else will be taking more classes and be on more executive boards than you. You will rack your brain trying to understand how in the world they are managing to function, but then realize you actually don’t have time to contemplate this fear because you have a research paper (or a problem set for you math/science people) due in 15 hours.
The weather sucks, too. I’m from Miami, as in Florida, as in always 80 degrees. Winter here is scary by anyone’s standards. It’s especially terrifying for those of us from sub-tropic regions — and it never ends. Spring always pretends to come but it’s never quite there until we’re practically done. And then we go back home and the weather in Evanston is finally really nice. It’s the irony of our schedule: the two and a half months of gorgeous weather occur when no one is on campus.
Then, there’s the student body. Some adjectives that have been used to describe Northwestern students: homogeneous, pretentious, awkward, superficial and lame. Since we’re all grammar nerds, let’s look at some nouns too: tool, A-type and over-achiever. You’re going to find hard-workers and academic mountain climbers anywhere, for sure. However, Northwestern conversations regularly turn into verbal sparring over who has more midterms while getting less sleep. I don’t know about you, my dear prospies, but that does not sound very appealing to me.
Now I must admit, it really is not as bad as it sounds. There are plenty of wonderful people here, I swear. You probably won’t even run into the pretentious toolbags, unless you have class with them. But if you have class with them, be prepared. They will always make some sort of lame-ass comment in a sad attempt to impress the professor. Take one of my classes, for example: there’s always the same three girls that never shut up, trying to kiss ass for an hour and 20 minutes every day, and by the looks on the faces around me, I’m not the only person annoyed by them. On the bright side, I’m told that it’s good practice for the real world because, let’s face it, there are plenty of sucky people everywhere. They just like to really put themselves out there around here.
Also, any senior will tell you, Northwestern is really just four years of awkward experiences. The people on this campus have a strange fixation with that word that I just cannot understand. Even if something isn’t actually awkward, people will always feel the need to say it is and make it so. A crazy night dancing and hooking up at the Keg followed by a walk of shame the next day? Awkward. Seductively smiling at your cute English literature TA? Not awkward, just creepy.
But no worries — we still have a great social scene. Or at least we could, if we didn’t constantly fear the wrath of the administration. Sure, they want us to be safe and yes, binge drinking is bad. However, monitoring an entire student body’s social activity like Big Brother on a power trip is not how you foster a sense of responsibility and community. It’s how you cultivate paranoia and resentment. It’s perfectly understandable to show concern and take action if someone is so sick that he needs to be sent to the hospital, but pressuring students into tattling on fraternities is ridiculous, and only sends the parties off-campus where safety and security is even scarcer. Nine out of 10 times, it’s not even the fraternity’s fault that someone was over-served. Some people need to learn to control themselves, end of story.
One would imagine that if the focus is really on our safety, the school would at least make sure that we’re putting safety first. But no, Northwestern doesn’t have medical amnesty, something commonly found on college campuses nationwide. A guarantee of no disciplinary repercussions for getting intoxicated comrades the medical attention they need seems like a reasonable and extremely beneficial request. Not here though; we can’t have that because there are “legal complications.” I can accept the enduring legacy of a once dry campus; I cannot accept being afraid of getting my friends in trouble if I take them to the hospital.
At the end of the day, there’s plenty wrong with this school, and we all love to bitch and complain about every last detail. But there’s a reason I’m still here. It’s not perfect, but I still like it. Hell, I love Northwestern because despite the little annoyances, we’ve got some real gold. From professors to students, from Norris and the Lakefill to Dillo Day and Dance Marathon, there are plenty of reasons for me to stay, so I did. I might hate the tool bags in my discussion section and the contradicting stance the administration takes on partying — but everyone does. It’s part of the common suffering that every Northwestern student goes through, and it’s what makes this place a community. Honestly, after all the shit I just spewed, I’m still really happy I go here, and if that doesn’t convince you that Northwestern is the place for you, darling prospies, then I don’t know what will.