The majority of adults only want two things on their birthday: sex and money. And unless you’re engaging in some illegal activities I don’t want to know about, you probably can’t provide either for your new college friends. But that doesn’t mean you’re justified in simply Facebooking a lame, “Yo, Happy Burthday, Dawg” to your best bud. Don’t be that kid. It’s true, you can’t provide your friends the simple comforts of home (unicorns, serenades from Nicki Minaj, etc) but there are plenty of ways to fill your friends’ birthdays with massive amounts of college-student swag.
Surprise them at midnight. “This year, my friends surprised me at exactly midnight,” says Bienen and McCormick sophomore Lydia VanZalen. “I was still doing homework, but it was really nice to know that they remembered and really cared.” As a college student, you’re either crazy productive or failing the majority of your classes if you’re regularly sleeping at this time anyways. So, be a good person and make a surprise trip down to your friend's dorm or apartment to wish them a "Happy Birthday" at exactly 12 a.m. Too lazy? Call SafeRide to take you there — I’m sure they would be more than happy to take a break from their loops around the Keg.
Bring goodies. While you're planning your surprise attack, consider bringing goodies for your birthday buddy. Although this may seem obvious, consider using your imagination to be thoughtful and remain within budget. Try Bennison’s Bakery in Evanston with killer deals on homemade doughnuts, consider purchasing a “Birthday Bitch” pint glass from Urban Outfitters or make a simple picture collage easily assembled through the CVS Photo website. Either way, don’t come empty-handed. Your mother raised you better than that.
Paint the Rock. If you're more on the extravagant side, there are other ways to prove your friendly devotion. “I would paint the Rock!” says Communication freshman Sarah Cartwright. “Who wouldn’t want the entire campus to know it was their birthday?” Try adding bright colors and glitter, because let's face it: Everyone loves glitter. If you’re really ready to go that extra mile, print and hand out flyers with your birthday buddy’s face and phone number — it's the gift that keeps on giving.
Stalk their life. If you're not up for guarding the local billboard for 24 hours, you can develop your Facebook stalking skills to a new extreme. I recommend finding out your friends’ class schedule for that day and leaving small notes or gifts with their friends in that particular class. The idea of having class on your special day becomes a little more bearable if you're anticipating some pre-Calculus goodies.
Decorate their door. "We basically plastered his door with condoms and candy," says Communication freshman Patrick Beecher. “The look on his face was honestly hilarious." There’s really no way to go wrong with this one. Find some tape and go to town. Look at it this way — you're being a good friend while promoting safe sex and...diabetes. If you're more on the creative side, add a nice "Happy Birthday" sign or acrostic poem.
Although this year our dear mothers may not have the opportunity to replay every baby video or shower us with kisses, there are ways to make sure your fellow Wildcats feel just as special here as they do at home. Besides the jungle juice and one-night stands that come with college, there is a certain comfort in simple pleasantries on your special day.
And hey, think of it this way: If you make the effort on their birthday, you're guaranteed a Nutella cupcake or two on yours.