It takes courage to ask people for the time and then steal their iPhones the moment they use them to check the clock. Whether that courage comes in the form of liquid or just your innate ability to commit bizarre crimes, we’re not going to judge. But for those of you with a little less chutzpah, we’ve concocted a few alcoholic beverages that will not only help you grow some cojones, but also make your list of priors look as good as your résumé.
TWO-FER
We like to call this guy Two-fer because New Jersey’s Devil’s Spring Vodka has more than twice the alcohol content of many other vodkas. For those of you with enough bar savvy to see that this is a modern interpretation of a Sex on the Beach, the drunken urge to publicly self-gratify will seem obvious.
2 oz. Devil Springs vodka
1/3 cup pineapple juice
1/3 cup peach juice
1/3 cup cranberry juice
TE-KILLA
This ridiculous beverage is also known as the “Flying Squirrel,” although we’ve tweaked it to help you tweak out. With two shots of tequila from a bottle topped with a sombrero cap, you’ll be acting out Hispanic stereotypes so fast, you’ll land in a disciplinary hearing quicker than you can say frijoles.
2 oz. Sierra Tequila
Splash of orange juice
1 oz. triple sec
1 cup sweet and sour mix
Dash of lime juice
THE FIVE LOKO
Four Loko? We’ll do you one better with Five Loko. Ever since our favorite drink lost its caffeination, we’ve had to jerry-rig our own stimulating creations. But if an energy drink with a name like Cocaine doesn’t make you crazy enough to try mugging someone in front of University Police headquarters, we’re disappointed in you.
1 oz. 100- proof vodka
1 can Cocaine energy drink
1 can Four Loko
GIN-GER BEER
If you can’t taste the alcohol in this beverage, you probably won’t need any more liquor to commit a crime. Blackwood's 60 Gin is more alcohol than botanicals. Get your crime spree started on a classy note with sea pink flowers, wild water mint, meadowsweet and coriander. Consequently, keep your collar white by screaming "blow jobs" in front of Mayor Tisdahl's humble abode. 2 oz. gin1 cup Reed’s ginger
brew
1 lime
A few basil leaves
EVER STEER CLEAR
You may as well use Everclear as a substitute for rubbing alcohol - it's at 95 percent alcohol by volume. The 190 proof version is so potent, it's banned in 14 states.
Luckily, Illinois is not one of them. After imbibing this cocktail, the trick is to see how many iPhones you can steal before you’re banned from the city of Evanston
1 oz. 190 proof Everclear
1 oz. triplesec
1/4 cup pineapple juice
7UP or Sprite to finish