The first time I read The Catcher in the Rye, I was a sophomore in prep school, being trained to apply for college and become a leader in the big, wide world. That year, I briefly fell in love with Holden Caulfield; he had me at “and all that David Copperfield kind of crap.” It was a silly high school romance and when I eventually decided I wouldn’t be dropping out of school to impress a fictional character, we parted ways and I went off to college.
With the recent passing of J.D. Salinger, I found myself pondering this former relationship with Holden again. Not quite the rebel without a cause I strived to be throughout my adolescence, Holden now feels distant and unknown. Like an old boyfriend you’ve lost touch with, I remember the connection but can’t quite see how it formed anymore.
That is not to say I don’t appreciate him as a character, but the deep identification has waned. Salinger’s death has brought with it the realization that since the day I moved into Elder Hall over two years ago, I’ve changed. And so it seems that teen angst really does fade when you turn 20, give or take a year or so.
If only Holden could’ve grown up with me, maybe he would’ve grown out of his selfish and cynical ways. Maybe we could have made it work… but probably not.
The same way that Holden is stuck in his tortured coming-of-age state, we must look beyond that and fall off the cliff at the edge of the rye field. Luckily, we’ve landed on a nice slab of frozen tundra called Northwestern University. (Excuse me, 2/3 frozen tundra, 1/3 sunshine and rainbows(ish)).
But maybe I’m taking this too far. Despite our budding and blossoming maturity, we still have a little Holden in all of us. We appreciate self-deprecation and child-like innocence. We want to connect with others but sometimes find it difficult to reach out of our shells. No amount of aging and maturing can make that go away if that’s who you are, and maybe we’re better off that way. My dearest comrades, I’d rather hold onto the remnants of Caulfield’s qualities than be like Ackley and Stradlater.
Salinger gave us a character we could grow up with and eventually grow out of. But maybe we don’t have to get rid of him. It’s great to want to protect those who are still innocent and to care about saving the world from “all the phonies.” But we need to draw a line and let ourselves be happy. I love the movies. I still think there’s a genuine quality to Christmas despite it’s over-commercialization. And if someone writes “fuck you” on my tombstone, I hope I just look down and laugh.