North by Northwestern

Vampire vision

The Vampire Diaries
by Amanda Lerner

The Vampire Diaries is a funny little by-product of our current obsession with hot, fanged young men. Not nearly as edgy as True Blood, the characters nevertheless get their freak on surprisingly frequently. It also isn’t as sickly sweet at Twilight, and, let’s face it, Paul Wesley doesn’t hold a candle to Robert Pattinson. In fact, when this show first premiered, I vowed not to watch it. Don’t we have enough vampires running around our popular culture field today? And yet, as I started procrastinating more and ran out of decent options, I found myself flipping to The Vampire Diaries.

The Vampire Diaries is an awesome show to watch when there is absolutely nothing else to do. It requires minimal thought; in fact, it requires minimal attention. The basic plot goes something like this: Elena, a girl that just happens to look a lot like this really evil vampire Katherine, is in love with Stefan. Stefan’s brother, Damon, clearly has feelings for Elena as well. So Elena is attracted to Stefan one minute, then Damon, then Stefan again, then Damon…well, you get the point.

While there isn’t much original going on in the plot — it’s based on a book series, shocker for a vampire series — it is the perfect series to sit down with for a day. Or seventeen. There’s no turning back once you’re hooked on the awkward love triangle, on Elena’s brother Jeremy’s weird progression from gangly teen to almost-attractive, almost-leading man, and on people randomly getting staked every once in a while. Sometimes, after a quarter full of hard work, the best vacation is not having to think at all. The Vampire Diaries will help you do just that.

True Blood
by Nolan Feeney

Maybe all the credit goes to HBO for allowing such carnal celebrations of sex and gore, but after three seasons, True Blood has repeatedly shown its commitment to the over-the-top is key to its survival.

Vampire shows won’t be able to keep up these supernatural shenanigans forever, but only True Blood’s bayou community can return from an evil, mind-controlled orgy and then descend into a world of shamans, witches and, of course, magical fairies without making the show a train wreck. It doesn’t hold back, but it’s far from desperate.

Not everything is done in the name of hedonism, however. Characters such as vampire apprentice Jessica Hamby and sinister Swede Eric Northman have shown enough character development to make them fan favorites. The show’s allegories for political rights and drug abuse are also clever and intriguing embellishments.

But most of the time, you’ll have to settle for scintillating fluff: Snoop Dogg-approved heroine Sookie Stackhouse’s ups and downs with vampire lover Bill Compton are becoming as spoof-worthy as Grey’s Anatomy, but at least she’s still capable of kicking vampire ass while stubbornly pouting in her Daisy Dukes.

Super serious, character-driven dramas

Mad Men
by Lindsey Kratochwill

Don Draper, in all of his heroic glory could demolish any opponent with nothing but a disapproving stare and carefully researched explanations of why you need Carmex or Vicks Vapor Rub. His general disregard for the social and emotional lives of others, and rather rash marital decisions make him the perfect stonecold, wildcard in the other end of the ring. And even as he hits the deepest of deep ends, he bounces back.

There’s a certain reverse-nostalgia in the lifestyle of the show. It’s dubious that any Northwestern student will have the priviledge to one day work in an office such as Sterling Cooper Draper Price. Gone are the days of drinking copious amounts of scotch in the middle of the day and chain smoking with the cronies as the tight-dress-clad secretaries handle projects from transcribing meetings to buying Christmas gifts for your children. All there is to do is watch and wish, and think about all the high-powered, ad man extra-marital sex that probably won’t be happening in your future.

Dexter
by Philip Butta
Like Mad Men, Dexter at its basic level is a character study of one man’s attempt to fit into society, putting on a mask and knowing that he doesn’t belong. But what distinguishes the two shows, for me at least, is the character development. Dexter goes from an emotionally retarded sociopath in the first season to the fifth season, where he’s a man grappling with the realization that he genuinely cares for others — that he’s human. And you sympathize with his struggle. You identify with a monster. I feel like Don Draper is still the same philandering asshole I saw in season one. That might be the director’s intention, but as a viewer, it feels monotonous. Also, Mad Men is a pressure-cooker show, building slowly towards a climax that isn’t really much of a climax, or at least doesn’t feel like one. Dexter isn’t that at all. It’s fast-paced, suspenseful. There’s blood everywhere. And strangely enough, it’s funny. Dexter is a dark comedy. He makes jokes to his victims while he has them plastic-wrapped on a table, and you love him for it. If you’re an ADD TV flipper like me, watch Dexter. You won’t regret it. On an unrelated note, the show is totally worth it for “gross, English, titty vampire,” Lila Tournay.

Shows that are not The Office

Parks and Recreation
by Jennifer Schaefer

Parks and Recreation and The Office have a lot in common: creator Greg Daniels, a mockumentary storytelling format and short first seasons everyone would be better off forgetting.
Much like The Office, Parks vastly improved during its second season. The writing staff and star Amy Poehler deserve credit for reigning in protagonist Leslie Knope’s earnest naiveté. On paper Leslie Knope, a low-level bureaucrat working in the Parks Department of a small Indiana town, could easily come across as a female version of Michael Scott. But Poehler has avoided turning the character into a caricature: she may talk about wanting to become president one day, but it’s clear that she’s happy knowing she can make a difference, however small, for the citizens of Pawnee (It also doesn’t hurt that she’s actually good at her job).

But the real reason for Parks‘ season two improvement lies with the development of the secondary characters. An awkward yet adorable romance has blossomed between Aubrey Plaza’s cynical college intern April and Chris Pratt’s goofy pit-dweller-turned-shoe-shiner Andy, doing for the show what Jim and Pam once did for The Office. Meanwhile, Nick Offerman has singlehandedly redefined what it means to be a man’s man as Leslie’s government-hating, breakfast-loving, mustached boss Ron “Effing” Swanson.

Outsourced
by Sean Kane
What’s the number one reason to watch Outsourced? The Office just ended and you’re still on the couch. And you don’t want to get off the couch. It’s fucking winter break. You’ll get off this damn couch when you damn well feel like it.

Comedy

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
by Jordyn Wolking

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is worth watching for one very simple reason: it is absolutely ridiculous. The show deals with any sensitive issue (racism, abortion and the Second Amendment in the first few episodes) in the most straightforward and politically incorrect manner possible. Each episode’s plethora of hijinks and confusion cause much more laughter than one might expect. The Gang, a selfish and dishonest group of five, owns and runs Paddy’s Pub. They swindle everyone they come across, they take opposing standpoints on everything and they plot against each other on a regular basis. What really make It’s Always Sunny are the perfectly wretched characters. While the Gang alone is worth watching, the recurring cameos make the show. Among others, there’s Mac’s transsexual love interest, the hicks in the McPoyle family and Matthew “Rickety Cricket” Mara, a priest whose life is ruined by the Gang on multiple occasions. It’s Always Sunny is surprising and entertaining. There’s music, there’s fighting, there’s alcohol. And if you haven’t seen it yet, there are five seasons on DVD and a couple episodes from the newest season online. It’s the perfect show to watch while recovering from fall quarter.

30 Rock
Shaunacy Ferro

Let’s be honest: Jack Donaghy could beat down anyone in Paddy’s Pub.

30 Rock is the perfect show to dominate your winter break. While the episodes are still good a la carte, it has 5 long seasons to delve into – perfect for three weeks of winter boredom. The best part about 30 Rock is that you want to follow the whole story, from the beginning. Even when it’s not at its funniest, you still care about what happens.

Because the characters of 30 Rock are always lovable, despite how self-absorbed, disgusting, or crazy they get – their absurdities don’t become grating after the first 10 episodes. Even when they steal birthday cakes or eat nothing but Sabor de Soledad cheese puffs (made with bull semen), you still want to hang out with them. In the context of 30 Rock, even Tracy Morgan manages to make being an asshole endearing – plus, you’ll want to put “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” on your iPod.

So go ahead and give in: ditch your friends and family and hang out with 30 Rock for a couple weeks. You won’t regret it.

Attractive doctor shows

Scrubs
by Clare Roth

Scrubs follows the escapades of John Dorian, from his first day as an intern to his last day at Sacred Heart Hospital. If you’re looking to laugh, this is undoubtedly the medical show to watch. The beauty in Scrubs‘ humor lies dually in its witty dialogue and its willingness to delve into the absurd. JD’s hilarious fantasies — from ninja fights to a reified love trains — also serve to contrast with the grounded, heartwarming examinations of serious topics: death, love, sex, friendship, betrayal and forgiveness.

Instead of the drama relying on who’s sleeping together or outlandish plots like bomb threats, Scrubs creates real life situations that could actually happen to its audience—friendship issues, hurt feelings, the strain of lost trust, and helping friends out of dark places. Scrubs gives nine quality seasons of entertainment. It’s the kind of show you can pick up any episode, laugh and get a message. It’s also the type of show, however, that invests you in its characters, gives storylines enriched by previous knowledge and builds on previous jokes. Scrubs is the medical show to watch not only for its lovable characters and near-constant laughs, but for how it relates to our lives.

(Except for the last “season”. That was a spin-off, not another season. Pretend it doesn’t exist.)

Grey’s Anatomy
Gabe Bergado

Last season’s finale of Grey’s Anatomy left fans in the dark about which Seattle Grace Mercy West Hospital surgeons would survive after half the cast got shot.

This season follows SGMWH post gun massacre. Lexi’s has had a couple of stints in the psych ward, Alex can’t get into the elevator he was trapped in, and for the most part everyone’s just pretty messed up. Christina can hardly even step foot into an OR without convulsing or passing out and Meredith and Derek are dealing with their miscarriage. New regulars also include Avery, the good-looking screw up, and April, the spunky 28-year-old virgin. The season has also featured a documentary type episode and Katherine Heigl might be back as Izzie in a later episode. Season 7 of Grey’s has finally reverted back to the superb writing that made this show popular back in the early seasons.

So forget Scrubs this break and catch up on Grey’s Anatomy. And if you ever want to catch up on old school Grey’s, Hulu is also streaming season 1.

Comedy’s high-brow/low-brow showdown

Arrested Development
by Rachel Poletick

Ron Howard speaks as narrator in the intro to each episode of Arrested Development saying “Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It’s Arrested Development.”

The story is the on-going tale of Michael Bluth, the son of the owner of a real estate development firm, who must take over the family business after his father lands in jail. Standing alongside him are his many idiosyncratic relatives, composing the family that the show centers around.

But this is not just a show about a family and its business. Arrested Development is an amalgamation of the quirks of an oddball family dynamic with a repartee that coaxes audiences into relentless laughter. If you have a sense of humor, this show will keep it working at full capacity. Even the IMDb page boasts of an extensive list of laugh-worthy quotes, including many moments of unintended sexual innuendo. “Michael, you are quite the cupid. You can stick an arrow in my buttocks any time.”

If any show deserves a winter-break-long marathon, this is one to push to the top of the list. It encompasses all that makes comedy great, with the wit of tongue-in-cheek writers and characters that rarely, if ever, seem to take themselves seriously. Arrested Development is an investment in TV watching worth taking.

How I Met Your Mother
by Sean Kane

How I Met Your Mother is like Scandinavia: full of happy white people with no real problems. The plots are formulaic and cheesy and never feature any minorities other than the occasional Wayne Brady cameo. But Ted Mosby’s (Josh Radnor) constant search for a soul mate, while hokey, is a trope we don’t see any more, in the world of dramatic, character driven, cable we now find ourselves in. And there’s nothing wrong with that. How I Met Your Mother is a sitcom. And sitcoms are stupid. Stupid and silly and frivolous. But the sort of stupid that makes you smile. You can watch Breaking Bad some other time when the weather is happy. It’s cold. You have nothing to do. Curl up on the couch and watch attractive, successful young people have fun, carefree lives in Manhattan with a laugh track.

Also, the show is on its sixth season, so the internet is crawling with episodes you haven’t seen. And How I Met Your Mother broadcasts on Mondays. Who has viewing parties on Mondays? This means you can watch it by yourself, without your snobby judgmental friends. They can go watch The Battle of Algiers* again or something.

Besides, Arrested Development is for pretentious yuppies. But watching the yuppies of How I Met Your Mother? That’s fine.

*The Battle of Algiers is a fine movie, but does not feature Cobie Smulders and Alyson Hannigan.

Crime shows that are always on USA, TNT or Spike

Law and Order: SVU
by Sean Kane

Naysayers to the series, now on its 12th season, say every episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit is the same: woman gets raped. Detectives find rapist. Stabler (Christopher Meloni) roughs him up. Benson (Mariska Hargitay) flirts with him and plays his game. Rapist gets caught. Rapist gets charged. Rapist goes to jail. Throw in a plot twist every few episodes (sometimes the rapist walks, sometimes the victim kills the rapist), crimes ripped from the headlines, and an occasional appearance of Jessica Walter as some conniving defense attorney, and you’ve got SVU. Then why is this show so good? All the episodes are the same. It’s shot on a shoe string budget. Captain Cragen (Dann Florek) was on one of those gold commercials.

Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, excuse the cliché, explores the human condition better than any other show on television. And this is not because of compelling writing, elaborate sets, special effects, or, for that matter, consistently talented acting. SVU is good because it’s so real. The world is low budget and sometimes poorly acted too.

What makes SVU so great is its ability to show the same episode every time it’s on TV (and it’s always on TV), and yet still keep us entertained. Creator Dick Wolf has found the recipe for the perfect television show, one that’s gripping, real, and emotional, all the while portraying New York in all its quirky, dark, nuanced, and accented glory.

Also, Ice-T is in it.

CSI: Las Vegas
Lindsey Kratochwill

This show defines crime dramas, if we existed in a world 15 years in the future. The show’s technology is sure to leave exasperated forensic investigators explaining why you can’t just zoom in endlessly to grainy CCTV tapes to get a clearer image. Superbly graphic and color-saturated flashbacks brings justice to the city of sin.
In a city like Las Vegas, the crimes are necessarily as absurd and twisted as the plotlines. And you just have to respect someone that deals with as much thinking as does Gil Grissom. He has an innate ability to connect the crime with something going on with his personal life, which if he ever gets up to fight would be clutch. Paired with Catherine Willows, the former exotic dancer and single mother, the fight would be hardly fair for the other side.

For crime dramas with extensive CGI, futuristic technology and a strong human connection, CSI basically owns the category.