Image courtesy of Australian Design Awards.
The Junk Pile is a weekly column that finds order in the chaos. Humor in the inanimate. Fun shit from a list of random crap. Or something.
Backpacks can make or break the school experience. Middle-schoolers obsess over which color, pattern or pop star adorns their backpack. High school kids try to show how little they care about having a backpack at all, so they trash ‘em, write all over ‘em or forget ‘em at home. But in college, your backpack (or lack of backpack) can make or break your reputation — so you’d better pick a good one. That said, here’s a list of backpacks that will probably get you beaten up your first week at Northwestern.
1. The Transformer
Backpacks store our lives and help us carry them around at the same time. But for some of you, that’s just not enough. You want your backpack to carry you. Well, you greedy bastards, like the Giving Tree of childhood lore, the backpack has morphed to further meet your needs. Take note, elite cyclists carrying bikes onto the El: The Everglide and the Backpack Bicycle transform into real, human-carrying cycles. One features wheels that fold in, and the other looks like a scooter. Both can be ridden like a bike. Both will also get you dirty looks from the cooler, older students. Who are running late to class. In the snow.
2. Wearing your nerdiness on your sleeve
Northwestern is known for its athletics. Haha! Just kidding. It’s known for its academics. Most of us try to conceal our geekiness behind a veil of leggings, Ugg boots and sweatshirts from other colleges, but there are a select few who embrace the fact that they speak Elvish or really, really, really love math. For them, I say, be proud of who you are! I’ll be sipping a latte at Norbucks and holding a Harper’s over my copy of Harry Potter, but embrace your inner dork, others! What better way to showcase your nerdiness than with your backpack? If you’re a sci-fi nerd, the Chewbacca backpack hits you juuuuust right. If you were that trench-coated goth kid in high school who has become publicly presentable but just can’t let the darkness go, spring for the all-leather dragon deal. For anyone on a more limited budget, though, just tighten your shoulder straps, buckle the across-the-chest straps, and we’ll take the hint.
3. For the music snob… who likes to share
Turning your iPod earbuds up is one way to do it. Carrying a boombox on your shoulder works too. But for the countless music snobs on campus who not only love their music, but think everyone else should love it too, there’s a new, higher-tech, less-douchey way to get it out there. The Reppo II has built-in speakers that hook up to your mp3 player to subtly annoy (or enlighten) everyone walking within earshot on Sheridan. Sure, you’ll look like a storm trooper, but you’ll be saving the world, one newly converted Muse fan at a time.
4. Go go gadget backpack
Techie nerd? Wannabe spy? Intensely paranoid? Don’t have all that much shit to carry? Not really a backpack, but a strange, attention-getting travel storage unit nonetheless, the ArchPortTM is basically a wallet stored in the arch of a flip flop. It’s a dapper, stylish-looking shoe that will totally not get you made fun of. Think of it as a back pocket you get to step on all day, just like you’ll be trampling the other, less-cool backpacks traveling down Sheridan.