Thanksgiving’s a little tricky for me, because while I love drawing hand turkeys, I’m not so fond of the actual expression of gratitude. This presented quite the conflict for me in ye olde elementary school when I had to write what I was thankful for on a cut-out hand turkey. The science fair was also problematic.
So now that I’m heading home in a day or so to OD on side dishes and watch my family engage in the usual passive-aggressive holiday behavior (“Can you please pass me the yams?” “I don’t know, kind of like how you pass through life?”), I’m starting to think: What am I thankful for? Sure, most people turn to the usual standbys of important people in their lives, but I’ve decided to take my family and friends for granted for yet another year. I mean, they’re not going anywhere.
Instead, I’m thankful for the girl in the back of Fisk 217 whose cell phone ringtone is Buckcherry’s “Crazy Bitch.” That’s a bold ringtone choice, especially in the middle of the mandatory Journalism Residency meeting for Medill sophomores. That brought joy to an otherwise miserable hour and a half. Thank you, girl.
And I’m thankful for BlackBerrys. I don’t actually have one, but they’re helpful hints as to which friends can potentially buy me things. I also like how small and easy to steal they are, and how easy to distract and what slow runners my friends are.
I’m not particularly thankful for the crappy housing lottery number that got me the room right next to the bathroom in Bobb, but I am thankful for my premium view of frat row. Freshmen: I am watching you.
Oh, and I’m really thankful for my roommate: No matter how many times I make cat noises while she is doing her homework, then explain that it is me making the noises, she still believes that there is a mysterious winged cat prowling outside our third floor window. Every time.
I’m thankful for the warm air vent behind Tech. Sometimes, when I can’t feel my right hand because my iPod is broken and if I do not hold it, it will shut off or spread rumors that I have night terrors or otherwise devise to ruin my life, I stop in front of this vent until my blood starts circulating again. Somehow, someday, I will probably get cancer from whatever Tech chemicals are being released through the vent. But until that day, I am thankful.
On that note, I am thankful that I do not have cancer. Lately there have been a lot of fliers on the walls of my dorm proclaiming, “CANCER SUCKS!” Things that suck sure do suck. I think this flier is onto something. I will do some research and let you know.
I’m also thankful for balloon animals and Popsicle stick art. I don’t know why we don’t see more of that at parties. My birthday is in a few weeks. And I like complicated animals.
I would invite my Psych professor to a party. Dr. Renee Engeln-Maddox tells stories about her dog and today, discovered that when she turned the projector around, the class would show up on the big screen instead of the notes. It reminded me of the Tower of Terror ride at Disney-MGM Studios, where the people on the ride can see themselves in the elevator doors right before it drops a bajillion miles. That was actually pretty terrifying, and not something I’m thankful for.
I guess I’m thankful for the crappy campus dating scene, because instead of spending time primping or being bought dinner or otherwise receiving the affection I am told is vital to human happiness, I can devote my hours to more important things, like passing my classes and watching Veronica Mars marathons and being a shrew.
I’m thankful for the tree stump at the Arch shuttle stop. Mostly, standing on it makes me feel important. And I’m thankful that the shuttle shows up whenever it pleases. Variety is the spice of life, and patience is a virtue. I don’t know about you, but I like my northward treks spicy and virtuous.
Mostly, though, I’m thankful that President Bush has pardoned May, the Thanksgiving turkey. I hope May is not experiencing too much survivor guilt. That can be rough.
I’m also thankful for irony: as Bush pardoned the now pathological turkey, he declared, “You cannot take the heat, and you’re definitely going to stay out of the kitchen.” Not only is that super clever, but it’s good advice. Man, he is a badass. Not quite as badass as hand turkeys, though. Oh, and yeah: Happy Thanksgiving.