Ever dreamed of beating up a theater kid? Vertigo’s Wrestlepocalypse III is your chance to live out that dream, at least vicariously. Right before (or after, or during) your Dillo Eve pregaming, watch as a cast of characters scratch, kick and pull each other’s hair in this annual send-up to professional wrestling. Here’s a glimpse at the stars of this year’s show (May 28 & 29).
The Dopplegang – Twin tag team
(Matt and Greg McKenna, Communication junior)
Who are your characters?
A satanic hive-minded set of twins hailing from Boston and here to rain terror down onto their opponents and all those who dare cross them.
What is their backstory?
The twisted twins are the result of a failed abortion leaving them crazed half-beings determined to make humanity pay for their suffering.
Why they’ll win:
The Dopplegang’s unparalleled ability to work as a flawless, fluid unit makes them extraordinarily dangerous to those who would face them.
What they’d say to their opponents:
A heel to the a face, who gives a shit?
We’re here to fight and maim
It doesn’t matter who’s side you’re on,
We’ll destroy you just the same
‘Sticks and stones can break our bones’
Is what children the sang,
Well meet the new threat to your health motherfucker
Cause we’re the Dopplegang!
Sprada – European Women’s Champion
(Spencer Gartner, Communication junior)
Who is your character?
Sprada is a British drag wrestler whose style could be best described as a mix of pre-disaster Courtney Love and modern Brit pop rock.
What is her backstory?
Sprada was born in a laundromat in London. Her mother abandoned her during the rinse cycle. Mother Superior found Sprada and brought her back to the convent. She also caught the eye of Reverend Charles, who would make special visits to Sprada’s bedroom every Sabbath. When she fought back, Reverend Charles evicted her. Sprada fended for herself and joined the underground wrestling circuit to survive.
Why she’ll win:
With her experience and ferocity, Sprada can’t be beat. She possesses the drive and passion to destroy her opponents.
What she would say to her enemies:
It’s Sprada, bitches!
BatVato – Latin vigilante/landscaper
(Mario Batres, Communication junior)
Who is your character?
BatVato is the self-appointed defender of all those who live within the region of “Latin,” an ominously ambiguous and non-geographical location. [Latin] is on your skin when you cross the border; it is in your car when you listen to that Ricky Martin CD you secretly hide and it is in your eyes when you jack-off to internet pictures of Salma Hayek in Desperado.
What is his backstory?
The BatVato trained in “Latin”. He used Central and South America as a training ground for his superhero-dom, doing stair steps on the pyramids in Mexico and swimming laps through the Panama Canal. He is “fluent” in English, has his legal working visa and runs a landscaping business on the side to fund his ascending vigilante career.
What he would say to his enemies:
The BatVato is coming. And the BatVato is the Latin Boom.