Disclaimer: Any action committed in any of the following locations that is executed poorly and without game is liable to slapping, name-calling and general rejection.
5. Intercampus Shuttle: Oh, The Places You’ll Go!
It’s getting colder (surprise!) so warm up next to someone (with their permission of course). Maybe it’ll even take you a little longer to get home than expected.
DO: Casually bump into her as the shuttle slows to a stop. Not too hard, don’t push her. Just forceful enough so you get her attention. If it feels right, go for it. If she’s unresponsive, do not do it again. If you choose not to heed this advice, you may draw a crowd, and maybe a punch in the face. This one takes poise, not persistence.
DO NOT: Ask her what her dorm and room number are and follow her off the shuttle. Please. Don’t be that guy.
4. SPAC/EAC: Sell her two tickets to the gun show.
A girl that enjoys working out is a girl that enjoys feeling good. A girl that enjoys feeling good is a girl that’s right for you, stud. Put on display your best (or mediocre) assets at a place where it is socially acceptable.
DO: Flex. If you can. So, you aren’t built like Andy Roddick. Alternative? Frequent the training room and give it a couple of days. It makes for better results. Also, looking better as you exercise will make you motivated to do it more. Double win.
DO NOT: Wear a graphic tee. Don’t approach her while she is on a machine or lifting (this may be difficult because she may look her very best while dripping sweat). Don’t compliment her physical appearance before you catch her name. Things could get ugly.
3. NU Sporting Events: Football, Soccer and Field Hockey! Oh my!
There she is. Just four bleachers over, and three down.
DO: Cheer on an impending victory. Know about sports. Watch the plays, recognize positives, wait for a high-five moment. Know what a high-five moment is. Introduce yourself. Grab a hot chocolate and ask her what she and her friends are doing after the game. Who knows? It could be you.
DO NOT: Shout obscenities. Don’t spill your drink on her in a moment of overzealousness. Don’t talk about how you know the players on the team; you’ll shift attention. Don’t say that you could play better because chances are, you cannot. And she knows.
2. Library: Core, Periodicals, References, Plaza Cafe, etc.
It’s 1:00 AM. She’s delirious. Make some magic.
DO: Sit in comfortable proximity, and at an opportune moment, grab her a coffee and present yourself. If she looks like she needs a break, ask her what she’s working on. If she doesn’t look like she needs a break, has a stack of books in front of her, is wearing headphones and a shirt that says I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND, chances are she doesn’t want to talk to you. Use her outlet. When she gets up, you’ll need to trade WildCards. And maybe phone numbers.
DO NOT: Stare at her, look at her Facebook over her shoulder, find her name, ask her to watch your laptop while you ask your friend a question, think that you two are best friends and then ask her to BK for a coffee. (You know who you are.)
1. Norris: Norbucks, Cafeteria, Line for the Box Office, Dittmar Memorial Gallery?
Oh, was this your tall latte that I grabbed? How embarrassing! (Works 80 percent of the time.)
DO: There’s never a day when there aren’t student events going on at Norris. Ask for her company! As for Norbucks, last time I checked, electronic outlets are not in abundance. Kill your laptop, and charge up next to someone interesting.
DO NOT: Loudly order a tall light double-chocolate chip frappuchino with extra whip cream and chocolate chips. Just don’t.
Hey, I believe in you. This isn’t the G Manifesto. Be fun and confident, even over-confident. Girls respond well to that. Unless you’re creepy.