“Does the White House feel like a frat house?”
- New York Times, October 24, 2009
With the freshmen guys of Northwestern entranced in the crazy, memorable and awkward few days known as Rush Week, it’s worth examining the big players in the nation’s most important, exclusive and powerful fraternity. While the White House might not have all the trappings of a typical fraternity — no Greek letters and to the best of our knowledge, no silly rituals — it’s still a group of closely knit guys (and some women) who still act like a fraternity. They play basketball together, are obsessed with sports and according to the New York Times, the White House is “rife with fist-bumping young men who call each other ‘dude.’” So who are the major players in this little society on the Potomac?
The Executive Board of Upsilon Sigma Alpha (USA)
President: Barack Obama
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Unquestionably the man. Cool, calm, collected and has the hottest girl in the House. Although he’s lost some steps in his basketball game, in his dual role as intramural coordinator, he was the primary rusher for ballers like Arne Duncan (who’s also Scholarship Chair), Reggie Love and Eric Holder. He’s had some slip ups, however: some of his rushees couldn’t get a bid because of legal and financial issues and he’s been unable to convince the president of Iota Rho Alpha to stop his pranks and egg-throwing brinkmanship. In other interfraternity arenas, however, he’s had some success. USA has been having some problems with the townies that live around one of their off campus houses and have been able to convince the European IFC to have some of their pledges live there for a few years and help calm things down.
Nickname: The One
Vice President: Joe Biden
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The joker and prankster of the House. No one really trusts him to do anything important, but he’s always there to voice his opinion, however inarticulately that may be. Despite being a social force in USA, he’s a teetotaler and doesn’t even ball.
Nickname: I Am Sam
Treasurer: Tim Geithner
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Although Geithner was Obama’s clear choice for this executive board position, there was still controversy surrounding his appointment. He had some problems paying dues but the steady support of the president got him in.
Nickname: Deer Boy
Pledge Educator: Rahm Emanuel
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The most fearsome, intense and intimidating member of USA. Even though Obama is number one, Rahm is the person responsible for turning quisling pledges into full brothers. When it was time to tell sister Clinton that her buddy Sidney Blumenthal couldn’t pledge, Emanuel was the one to deliver the news. He yells, he screams, he sends people dead fishes. When Brother Geithner was unsure of his new policy to recover banks, Emanuel was there to help him out and shepherd him through it. He may be missing a middle finger, but he can still tell people to fuck off. Some brothers even call him the pile driver. He has more clout and a bigger room than Biden.
Nickname: Rahmbo
Social Chair: Desiree Rogers
There is probably no member of the USA exec board under more pressure and scrutiny than sister Rogers. After a lackluster eight years of social events, the first major party of the quarter with SASA should have been a major success. Instead, three crashers made their way in because Rogers was inattentive at the door. President Obama, however, has stood behind his old friend and she seems to be safe in her position. For now.
Nickname: Glamour Girl
Philanthropy Chair: Ben Bernanke
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It is no understatement to say that Bernanke is the most profligate and giving philanthropy chair in the history of USA . Starting with the last president and exec board’s term, Bernanke oversaw the largest philanthropy project had ever seen USA. By the time he was done, Bernanke had given out trillions of dollars to the banking and insurance industries. He also helped organize another new, and very popular philanthropy event; Cash-for-Clunkers.
Nickname: The Rabbi