TIMJ: Analyzing Colton Underwood
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    Since 2002, America has watched one man date roughly 30 women and tell roughly half of them that he’s falling in love with them on the past 23 season's of ABC’s smash hit show “The Bachelor.” Okay — he tells three or four that he loves them, but the whole premise of the show is extremely odd.

    On season 14 of “The Bachelorette,” Colton Underwood made a lot of noise when he revealed that he was a virgin. The bachelorette, Becca (horribly annoying), sent him home after hometown dates and many fans predicted he would be the next bachelor. They were right.

    Underwood’s a hunk and an ex-NFL player (but he didn’t actually play). While he may have no real job right now — actually, many contestants don’t have real jobs — his airhead personality and lack of in-depth conversations must be what has made so many women cry over him while leaving the show. Tragic.

    For the past four weeks, Underwood has been saying, “I’m even more confused than ever,” and we’re concerned for him. While it must be tough to choose between multiple nearly-identical women, Underwood has sent home more women than other bachelors thus far. In one week he sent home three contestants, and in another week he sent home two contestants who bickered too much. In more recent years, the bachelors and bachelorettes have been sending home problem-makers and actually taking the process more seriously, which I respect Underwood for. He’s been genuinely nervous throughout the process that he may be getting taken advantage of, and he acts on his suspicions.

    However, during the past episode on Feb. 25, Underwood visited four women’s hometowns and didn’t receive great feedback from the parents. All four families questioned what their daughters were doing and how they had developed such strong feelings, which is rational, and when Colton asked for permission to marry their daughters, each father hesitated. In fact, Cassie Randolph’s father didn’t give Underwood permission, and he still gave her a rose over Caelynn Miller-Keyes who professed her love to him. BTW, Cassie expressed that she might not be ready for marriage. Whoops.

    Now, Underwood and the three final women are heading to the fantasy suites. Typically, the suites are meant for ~ intimacy ~ of the next level kind. He acknowledged this stereotype by saying, “I might make love” and it will be “the most tender and greatest thing she has ever felt.” Ma’am.

    Apparently, whatever he’s expecting won’t happen because the highly awaited scene of Underwood jumping over a fence (I don’t understand the context, but it sounds juicy so I’m in) is coming up next week.

    While “The Bachelor” shows exactly what relationships aren’t like, the drama is enticing. Yea, we all hate it, but we’re still watching.

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