When wiser, older beings tell me “college is the best time of your life,” it seems their hazy memories of frat parties, anonymous hook-ups, and skipping class to sleep have occluded their recollection of the worst part of college: studying.
Although I am told we are all here for the same reason (to learn, if you’re still wondering), our original and noble intentions disappear fast after introducing ourselves to the more social aspects of college. Just a few weeks into the quarter, your chemistry textbook has become a vague memory. One day, a giddy teacher announces a pop quiz, and you realize you don’t even remember what amino acids are.
It’s time to return to the studying grindstone.
Unfortunately, college presents itself with numerous distractions that all seem far more interesting than re-reading “Dracula,” and even the most determined student can be thrown off track. To help you get back to work, here are the Ten Commandments of studying:
1. Thou shalt not worship any other distractions. Unplug your Xbox. Seriously. Hide your “AMC Monsterfest: Cult Classics” collection underneath your roommate’s mattress so the very sight of it doesn’t tempt you. And please, oh please, stop checking Facebook at the end of every paragraph.
“But it’s not that easy!” And, dear reader, I understand. I’ve checked Facebook four times in the last ten minutes. (Nothing has changed.) Fortunately, people smarter than me have acknowledged this problem, and have crafted computer programs to help: Work Time and Temptation Blocker. Unfortunately, neither program works on Macs, so if you are blessed with a super-cool computer you might have to resort to sheer willpower.
2. Thou shalt not idolize your roommate. Or your best friend, or anyone else with magical studying powers who manages to go out on weeknights, come back schnockered, and still crank out an A+ paper with three hours to spare before class. People study differently, and you shouldn’t emulate your friends’ patterns and expect success. If you find late nights in the library work for you, study there. Trying to force yourself into unnatural patterns will quickly wreak havoc on your grades.
3. Thou shalt check your facts before it’s too late. Once you’ve hammered out the final problem in your five-page problem set, it’s easy to shove it in your backpack and dive under the covers. However, a quick check can do wonders for your grades. The lull of impending sleep may have led you to think that four times five is 25, and taking ten minutes to double-check your answers could identify the problem. Reread your essays; you could discover that your leap of logic in the third paragraph is more like a leap off a cliff.
4. Thou shalt keep the weekend holy. Give yourself time off. Even in the busiest of weekends, take time out to go out with your friends. Allocate 45 minutes every night for dinner with your best mates. The tendency to hole up in your room from the end of one class to the start of the next is invitation for an emotional implosion. Allowing time for yourself lets you regroup your thoughts — and who knows, taking your mind off the problem for a while may bring about a flash of chemistry understanding.
5. Thou shalt honor thy professor. She may be a stodgy old woman who gives the most boring lectures in the history of Northwestern, and once when you tried to speak up in class she ignored your hand for a full fifteen minutes, but she is the one grading your paper. Professors have office hours for a reason; don’t be scared to show up. What seems like targeted indifference in class may have been a bad day (yes, professors have bad days), so feel free to get some professional input on your thesis.
6. Thou shalt not murder. This is a good rule in general.
7. Thou shalt not accept late-night booty calls. Sure, some might argue that an hour (or fifteen minutes, let’s be honest) break will calm your nerves and settle your nervous jitters, but when its time to start cranking out that philosophy essay this is the worst kind of distraction. It can be difficult to focus on anything but sex afterwards, which can make Voltaire’s insights seem, well, less than intriguing. Unless your homework deals specifically with homosapien mating habits in North America, hold off for one more night. (Plus, turning down the occasional sex makes you mysterious, which is a win-win for everyone.)
8. Thou shalt not plagiarize. I shouldn’t have to say this to you fine young Northwestern students, but, um, it isn’t a good idea to cheat. First off, there’s that fancy honor code thing which says it’s against the rules. Second, in the internet age, there are a million and one ways for a professor to discover your infraction. Third, it’s the ultimate sign of weakness. John McClane wouldn’t cheat. Indiana Jones wouldn’t cheat. And most importantly, Jack Shepherd wouldn’t cheat.
9. Thou shalt not make up excuses. Nothing sounds worse than a bad excuse. If the essay is not done, own up to it; don’t try to say (a) your dog ate it, (b) your computer ate it, (c) your great-grandmother’s second cousin died, or (d) your roommate spilled her beer on your computer, causing the wires to short-circuit and the insides to fry. Admit you missed the deadline and accept the consequences. And maybe, just maybe, your teacher will have pity. But don’t count on it.
10. Thou shalt not covet those without homework. Some classes are similar to kindergarten in the amount of work they require (and some, in the kind of work; I drew a picture for class once, swear to God, and it wasn’t an art class). So yes, the person across the hall may not have homework tonight, but that doesn’t mean you don’t. To sum up: they may be going to Sigma Alpha Epsilon for a night of frivolity, but you are free to stay home. Nothing is harder than doing physics with a hangover.