It’s that time of the year again when America celebrates its love of food, sex, and violence with only the most important things in mind: Did the NFL seriously err by going with Paris Hilton instead of Britney Spears in a new commercial? Will we get to see Prince’s chest during halftime? And most importantly, who will win that epic Penguins-Canadiens match-up?
Even with midterms, Super Bowl Sunday demands that we scream at the TV, argue with friends, eat Buffalo Joe’s, and desperately decide when to take a bathroom break (please don’t let Rex Grossman actually complete a pass while I swerve around the Bears bandwagon madly multiplying in front of the TV).
And of course, let’s not forget the actual game between the Chicago Bears and Indianapolis Colts. Everyone from Shaq to the Lincoln Park Zoo elephant will be trying to pick this year’s champion. We can only hope that halftime centerpiece Prince won’t mumble something incoherent about the best team winning during the middle of “Purple Rain.” While I can not possibly compete with Stick Figure or Bag Boy from RedEye, I’ll still try to predict who will be holding up the Lombardi Trophy while memorizing the different emperors of the Song Dynasty for my History of Modern China midterm.
Quite frankly, the Colts have no chance of winning this game. Sorry, Peyton Manning but you are going down in history as Dan Marino (make sure to pose next to his statue outside Dolphin Stadium before heading to the locker room). Indy played their Super Bowl two weeks ago, finally sending Tom Brady and the Patriots to the golf course in January, leaving the Colts with nothing to play for. They’re just happy to be there and teams that are just happy to be there who’ve already played their Super Bowl never ever ever win.
Take the 2003 New York Yankees, who never really showed up in the World Series against the Florida Marlins because they had already demolished the Boston Red Sox with Aaron Boone’s home run off of Tim Wakefield in Game 7. I expect a similar lifeless game from the Colts after staging one of the greatest comebacks in AFC Championship Game history.
It might not even matter if the Colts did show up. The Bears, who started out the season 7-0, seem to have come together when it counts and would probably even beat a motivated Colts team. The way they handled one of the league’s best offenses shows that the defense is back. Robbie Gould and Devin Hester anchor a very solid special teams unit and on offense Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson have proven themselves to be a dynamic duo. Jones especially seems to relish playing in the post season. His exuberance after scoring in the Saints game almost made me worry he might pull a Gus Frerotte in the end zone.
And Sexy Rexy is not as bad as the average denizen of Skokie or Naperville would lead you to believe. He made some big plays against the Saints when they were most needed even if Muhsin Muhammad bailed him out at times. After all, isn’t making use of your wide receivers’ height advantage part of the game? Besides, if Trent Dilfer can win a Super Bowl, Grossman certainly can and will.
Maybe my biggest problem is I have an easier time picturing Nancy Pelosi lifting a Super Bowl trophy than imagining Peyton Manning packing his bags for Disney World. Just remember Indy, they are not saying boo, they are saying moooooovers.
Bears 27, Colts 13.
Just don’t forget your Orgo textbook.