Finding time for a date between classes, studying, extracurriculars, eating, and — oh yeah — sleeping, can be a challenge. Asking someone on a date can be even more daunting. But with social events like the Residential College Board (RCB) Formal at Dave and Buster’s in Chicago coming up on Saturday, Oct. 27, you might find that you need to find a date — and fast. You’ll need a way to get that special someone to go with you, which is where the fabulous world of pick-up lines comes in.
Instead of using the classic (and oh so classy) line, “Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?”, many students get their ideas about pick-up lines from a little… “research.” They admit to “Facebook-stalking” to find things in common with their prospects. This can be especially helpful when all you know about your potential date is that they have 9 a.m. Orgo with you five days a week. But please, don’t resort to “Hey, I love reading Albanian literature too!” or “Yes, my mom did win the Nobel Prize in Literature last week,” because he/she will find out that you’ve never heard of Jeronim De Rada and you never gestated in the womb of Doris Lessing.
Curiously enough, almost all respondents to the sample survey had a story about “a friend” or “someone I know,” but never about themselves. Northwestern students are clearly too savvy to use bad pick-up lines themselves. Yeah. Right.
**Disclaimer**
**Some of the following lines should NEVER be used seriously**
There are some lines that everyone has heard, but generally wouldn’t think to use. “A friend of mine saw a girl he liked in a theater, and thought of the worst pick-up line he could,” Medill freshman Carlton Barzon said. “He said ‘Do you want to play war?’, and he got kneed in the crotch and a soda dumped on him.” Wondering why his friend got such cruel treatment?
“The rest of the line goes something like this: ‘How do you do that?’ ‘I just sit here while you blow me the fuck away,’” Barzon added.
If you’re trying to take one of those strong, silent types who hang out in Tech to the formal, there are a few major-specific options for you. The ever popular “I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves” is always popular among the engineering majors. It even has a Facebook group dedicated to it (membership 102,448). If you’re really slick, you can slip your sweetie a note saying saying “You’re ?x2dx from 0 to 1 in my book!”. The math majors will be sure to appreciate this one.
Never take pick-up lines from the “Sex Signals” Essential NU. Asking “Does this smell like chloroform?” while holding out a rag for your potential date to smell will not get you a dancing partner for Saturday. Hopefully you do not find this surprising.
Instead, remember that a little creativity can go a long way. Weinberg freshman Mike Lobel said he once “stayed with someone for a Jewish event, and when [he] left, [he] put his number on the desk.”
And please remember that the person you’re trying to pick up is a person too, so don’t be cruel. Maybe he/she (as the bestseller says) is Just Not That Into You. Weinberg freshman Chris Dugan has as interesting way of dealing with rejection, however. “You ask ‘Do you want to dance?’ and if she says no, you just say ‘No, I’m sorry. You must have misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants,’” he said. What a charmer.
So, now it’s time for you to stop reading this article and go find a date! But before you go, one last piece of advice: if it came up on that Google search of “bad pick-up lines,” you probably shouldn’t even think about it.
And keep in mind, the best pick-up lines often aren’t pick-up lines at all. “I just say, ‘Hello,’” SESP sophomore Joe Buckley said. Maybe not as original as a line involving integrals, but I tell you, it works.