Dillo Day is rapidly approaching and that means some of us will soon be consuming large amounts of … erm … beverages. And because of Evanston’s open container law, carting around your … juice … out in the open is a big mistake. We’ve compiled a mighty list of flasks and bladders for your Dillo Day pleasure, but remember: The key to purchasing a good flask is concealment. So unless you’d like to show off that awesome, vintage Japanese tapestry flask that you picked up at that flea market to Evanston’s finest, keep it secret, keep it safe.
The basic
Visol Stainless Steel Flask | $4.21 | www.amazon.com
Here is the flask at its most functional. Something that lives in your pocket, bra, briefs or wherever else you may hide it. It doesn’t necessarily need to be pretty. Opt for the simple — and cheap — Visol flask. It holds 8 ounces, a little more than five shots. It’s functional, cheap and easy to use. And for a price that costs about as much as the cheap shit you’ll be putting in it, it’s perfect.
This is not the Malibu spiced rum you are looking for
Starwars 2 Hip Flask | $9.99 | www.mygifto.com
After 3 p.m., you’ll be ready for a Dillo nap. But taking a break and pacing yourself is not what Dillo Day is for. Save that for the University of Chicago’s Summer Breeze. Pop this little 6-ounce Sith Lord in your pocket, filled with just enough of the Force to rally through the night.
Nice jugs
The WineRack | $29.95 | www.thebeerbelly.com
For those ladies feeling inadequate in the chest (and the liver), opt for the WineRack. There isn’t much more to say. It’s a bra that holds a bottle of wine (750mL). It also features a drinking tube like a CamelBak, so you don’t need to go through the trouble of surreptitiously pouring something out of your brassiere. In addition, with this flask, any NUPD search for hidden contraband can quickly turn into a lawsuit.
The baby’s due in August
The BeerBelly | $34.95 | www.thebeerbelly.com
If you let yourself go over the winter and haven’t gotten around to losing those extra pounds, why not add some more with the BeerBelly? This artificial beer gut holds 80 ounces, which is more than a six-pack. The website also claims that it “pays for itself in less than 2 uses!” Make of that what you will.
My other flask is a sailboat
Stanley Classic Flask | $28.00 | www.urbanoutfitters.com
The Stanley Classic Flask is by far the best looking of the bunch. Featuring a classic, time-tested design from 1913, you’ll surely look hip for those two seconds every five minutes that you take it out of your pocket. For those with a mighty thirst, Stanley also makes a matching thermos. Best of all, both can be purchased at our very own Urban Outfitters on Church Street.