Highest Stock Market EVER, best economic numbers in years, unemployment lowest in 17 years, wages raising, border secure, S.C.: No WH chaos!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 31, 2017
Once upon a time, in a country under far different leadership, Donald J. Trump owned the Miss Universe Organization. Throughout his 19-year tenure as proprietor, Trump came under fire several times for commenting on or ‘rating’ the women’s bodies and appearances. Taking note from the world’s most powerful misogynist, NBN presents: ‘Objective’ ratings of relevant former male Trump administration members.
1. Preet Bharara – 10/10
(Former) Occupation:U.S. Attorney for Southern District of New YorkDays in office under Trump: 50
Reasoning: Poor Preet, entered the Trump administration with a stable job (in terms of U.S. Attorneys), and was fired against his will a few months later. No need to fret though, as after his L the man bounced back pretty quickly, securing a job as a legal analyst for CNN. He also recently released the first episode of his new podcast,“Stay Tuned with Preet”.2. James B. Comey – 9/10
(Former) Occupation: FBI Director
Days in office under Trump: too few, tbh (109)
Reasoning: Would’ve been a 10/10 had he not opened a case into Hillary’s goddamn emails dangerously close to the election, but then again, the man was just tryna do his job. Ultimately, Comey was sacked by way of written correspondence, citing his “lack of effectiveness” in leading the Bureau. His highly publicized testimony on the topic shook 19.5 million Americans at 10 a.m., take note @NBC.
3. Sean ‘Spicey’ Spicer – 6.3/10
(Former) Occupation: Press Secretary
Days in office under Trump: 183 #impressive
Reasoning: OK so Spicer technically resigned from his post – a move that was seen as a long time coming – but nevertheless made this list as he said a lot (to say the least) during his reign as queen bee.
4. Michael T. Flynn – 2/10
(Former) Occupation: National security adviser
Days in office under Trump: a record-setting 24
Reasoning: Lovingly dubbed the ‘world’s biggest securityrisk’, Flynn failed to recall the depth of his conversations with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak to not only Vice President Mike Pence, but also Reince Priebus and Sean Spicer. This led all three bad hombres to make false statements to the American public ... but that’s also known as an average Tuesday for this administration.
5. Reince Priebus – 1.5/10
(Former) Occupation: Chief of Staff
Days in office under Trump: 189
Reasoning: Viewed by the GOP as “the man who sold his party out to Donald Trump”, Reince put all his faith in the wrong man’s tiny hands – Sad! From being ordered to swat flies, to scoring an interview for objectively the most tragic Washington Post editorial I’ve ever seen, Priebus has now been evicted Trump’s inner circle to the point that he’s been unfollowed by him on Twitter.
6. Anthony Scaramucci aka “The Mooch”– 1/10
(Former) Occupation: Communications Director and senior adviser
Days in office under Trump: 10
Reasoning: Homeboy lasted all of one and a half weeks in his post as White House communications director before verbalizing his stress in an eloquent manner to a New Yorker contributor over the phone. The ~official~ White House statement said The Mooch was removed by Trump at the request of Chief of Staff John Kelly, but perhaps it also had something to do with him stating he wants to “fucking kill all the leakers”... on the record.
7. Steve Bannon – NEGATIVE 10/10
(Former) Occupation: Chief strategist
Days in office under Trump: 211
Reasoning: Bruh! You run the self-described home of the alt-right. Also, the Trump administration claimed Bannon’s exit was mutual, but this is debatable as he never took the multiple opportunities he was given to resign. Formerly known as Trump’s alt-right hand man, Bannon was often criticized by civil rights groups for his white supremacist ideologies. Hopefully he never tries to speak at UC Berkeley... again.