The spies of the CIA, whose turf traditionally includes dealing with global political instability, terrorism and the assassination of unfriendly dictators, have recently got their tentacles into an unlikely field: the global financial crisis. The daily White House intelligence report will now include a section on how melting financial markets are rousing terrorists and enemies of the state to disruption. This brings the number of groups positively affected by the worldwide recession to two: terrorists and beer companies too cheap to buy ad time but yet see a nine percent sales boost anyway. But if you’re looking to start a career in any other industry, my only suggestion is that you do something clearly in demand: If you are interested in possibly entering the rich field of arranging helicopter-escapes from prison roofs; consult this guy, who’s already done it twice in Greece, for some tips.
Poker skill can now (legally) be used as résumé fodder
In South Carolina, if the law were to be read literally, family game nights would be barred from including such mainstays as Monopoly, which is illegal, or any other game with cards or dice. Fortunately, the State Attorney General has often taken a looser interpretation, amending prosecutions to include as gambling only games that rely more on players’ luck than skill.
The test of whether a game is gambling — whether it requires more luck or skill — has brought to the courts an unusual query: Is poker a game of chance, or of skill?
A municipal judge in the state ruled last Thursday that Texas Hold ‘em is a game of skill. So perhaps all that time you spent losing your parents’ money at online poker may now be a résumé bragging point. Because of the small jurisdiction of the court, the ruling doesn’t mean much yet, but if the South Carolina Supreme Court picks up the appeal, they may have to make the same determination.
The original prosecution was brought after a raid on a poker game. The lawyer for the organizers said it was a game played among friends, with the profits going toward pizza and beer. Prosecutors called it “a for-profit gambling operation.”
The estimated 55 million Americans who play poker may now be one step closer to being able to breathe easier and live as they’d like, without the fear of police trampling into their college dorm rooms and bachelor pads.
In other lucky news: A woman whose hair weave saved her from an otherwise-lethal gunshot to the head.
In a recession, ex-con reminisces about, yearns for jail
Economists — those whiny, self-centered, arrogant bastards — are notorious for their lack of consensus on a metric by which to define the beginning of a recession. Fortunately, common sense and experience is able to, within a few months, confirm the hypothesis: Most of the world is in recession. And last week, the Financial Timesreported that Taiwan too has succumbed to recession.
This has driven some Taiwanese to nostalgia for the good old days when this Asian tiger economy was full of opportunity for anyone not in jail.
But now, an ex-convict is requesting to be sent back to the jail he had expended much effort to avoid only a decade ago. The man, surnamed Wang, was an arsonist who spent 10 years in jail for the 12 arson charges he was found guilty of.
Wang was released three years ago, but has spent much of that time unemployed. Last Friday, he again went to the Taipei Employment Service Center but once more, he was rejected.
With no job and no food, Wang requested the police to take him back to jail so that he could get a meal. Once more, he was turned away.
“Please jail me again on charge of any crime, so that I can have free meals,” he asked police when they found him lying on the ground, having had no food for three days, reported the China Post.