North by Northwestern

Us sports geniuses (nerds? losers?) at NBN Sports decided to build the ultimate Northwestern sports all-star teams this season. The rules are simple: build a team of five players from across every NU team to create an unstoppable all-star squad and allow them to wreak havoc on the collegiate sports world (in some alternate universe in which all sports are played simultaneously on the same playing surface).

Editor's note: Our apologies to likely top-10 WNBA Draft pick Nia Coffey, who for some reason did not make the cut on any of these squads but would probably beat all of them singlehandedly.

Trevor Lystad:

For my all-Northwestern squad, I decided to build the team as if it was a basketball team (without just choosing all basketball players because where’s the fun in that?).

Clayton Thorson – Thorson would take over as my floor general. A pure passer and team leader on the football field, and I trust his quarterbacking skills to translate well enough to the basketball court.

Scottie Lindsey – I had to hang on to one real basketball player, and Lindsey was an easy choice. Averaging just over 14 points, Lindsey enjoyed a breakout junior season this year.

Dom Masters – At small forward, Masters will provide a needed scoring punch: The senior scored a team-high 84 points this year and will be a perfect pick-and-roll partner with quarter … I mean, point guard Thorson.

Conan Jennings – Sophomore wrestler Jennings won 19 matches this year, was ranked as high as No. 24 in the coaches poll and fell just one win short of achieving all-American honors. Even better, his 285-pound frame makes him a perfect big man for our starting five.

Ifeadi Odenigbo – 265-pound defensive end Odenigbo should have has skills translate nicely to the center position. Between he and Walker using their huge frames in the low past, our all-star squad should be able to hang with big, physical and cheating teams like Gonzaga.

Evan Denton:

Aubrey Roberts – Roberts, a freshman from Eau Claire, Wisconsin, has already left her footprints on the NU Cross Country history books. This past March, Roberts became the first ever Wildcat to compete in the IAFF Cross Country World Championships in Kampala, Uganda. Overall, Roberts was the third-fastest American in the U20 6k, finishing with a time of 22:18.

Strong Kirchheimer – It’s about time we start a petition for Merriam-Webster to change the definition of durability to a picture of Mr. Kirchheimer. Kirchheimer recently became the fifth NU men’s tennis player to tally over 100 career singles wins.

Austin Carr – Whenever NU needed a big-time play in the passing game, Carr answered the call. Carr, the surprise Biletnikoff Award finalist, more than tripled his total career receiving yards during his senior season.

Dominique Masters – Masters not only started every game for the ‘Cats but led the team in points, finishing with 84. Despite a slight dip in goals scored, Masters finished her NU career with 52 goals in 84 games.

Symone Abbott – Volleyball star Abbott flourished as outside hitter in 2016, racking up 459 kills – more than twice as many as the next closest NU player.

Meg Pisarczyk:

Lauren Clem – Saying she’s a beast is an understatement. In the 22 games that women’s soccer played, Clem only allowed 6 goals. She forced 13 shutouts and destroyed all other keepers in the conference in goalie stats. Needless to say: Number one on the field, number one in every Wildcat fan’s heart.

Nathan Taphorn – Tap earned the Sixth Man of the Year award in my book this season. He led the Big Ten in three-point shooting percentage and threw the perfect cross-court pass to Dererk Pardon in the Michigan game during “The Play” that likely solidified Northwestern’s first ever NCAA Tournament bid. Even though he’s graduating this spring, I won’t forget Taphorn for a long time.

Justin Jackson – The Ball Carrier is already on everyone’s radar, but his performance in the Pinstripe Bowl last December against Pitt warrants his inclusion on this list. The junior rushed for 224 yards and scored three times in 32 carries in just that one game. He’s also an Econ major, which exponentially elevates his superhuman status in my book.

Taylor Tashima – Tashima was a key part of the volleyball team’s offense during the 2016 season, leading the team with 1008 assists – 933 (!) more than any other Wildcat. She started every game of the season and recorded a team-high 29 aces.

Olivia Rosendahl – While everyone else was biting their nails over March Madness games, Rosendahl was writing her name in the Northwestern Athletics record book. She became the first NU diver to win a NCAA title in platform diving, edging out an Indiana diver by 5.6 points, cementing her status on the Wildcat all-star team.

Tim Hackett:

Hannah Kim – The two-time back-to-back Big Ten Player of the Year has had yet another stellar year for the women’s golf team. She followed up an 8th place finish at the Mason Rudolph Championship with a 7th place finish at the Windy City Collegiate Classic, where she fired an opening-round score of 66 – only one Wildcat has ever tallied a better score in a round. Coming into the year, Kim held the Northwestern record for lowest career scoring average in program history, and even if that record is broken, her name will remain in the record books thanks to her 71.94 average last year, the lowest single-season scoring average in program history.

Kayla Sharples – The anchor of the defense that allowed only seven goals all year, Sharples barely makes my shortlist over fellow centerback Hannah Davison because of her offensive potential. On a team that sometimes struggled to score, Sharples’ three goals and eight points both ranked third on the team. She’s clutch, too: Two of her goals were game-winners.

Gabby Hazen – I don’t think anyone will score against my lineup. Hazen played in every single set this season and finished second on the team in points, kills, blocks and hitting percentage. On a team that sometimes struggled to score (this sounds familiar), Hazen was the usual secondary option behind Big Ten kills leader Symone Abbott. Fellow middle blocker Maddie Slater, the team’s leader in blocks and hitting, deserves this spot as well, but I’m giving the edge to Hazen simply because of her infectious energy and charisma – my team won’t let opponents score, and they’re going to have fun doing it, too.

Jacob Berkowitz – On a squad full of solid wrestlers, Berkowitz was often Northwestern’s most reliable. He made a huge jump from a 4-14 overall junior record to a 22-11 record his senior year, the most wins by any Wildcat wrestler. He lived to see two bouts in both the Big Ten Championships and the NCAA Championships. Three of his 22 wins came by fall – one of those came in under five minutes, and another came against Brett Harner of Princeton, who was ranked #9 in the nation before he battled Berkowitz.

Alex Erro – You want to talk about reasons for optimism? For Northwestern baseball, this freshman from Miami is a huge one. The Wildcats’ leader in batting average, OBP and slugging, Erro has failed to reach base in any fashion in only three games this year. He’s already won Conference Freshman of the Week once this year. Add that to a 16-game hitting streak earlier this year, and you’ve got a recipe for a guy that figures to be a standout player in the Northwestern lineup for years to come.

Andy Brown:

Bryant McIntosh – He's a gritty, grind-it-out type of player.

Bryant McIntosh – He's got excellent court awareness and a swoon-inducing floater. He's a real coach's kid.

Bryant McIntosh – He's a gritty, grind-it-out type of player. 

Bryant McIntosh – The guy just wins games. Shades of Aaron Craft.

Bryant McIntosh – He's not the hero we need, but the one we deserve.

I'll take this squad into battle with me 100/100 times. 

Editor's note: A previous version of this story referred to Scottie Lindsey as a sophomore. This is incorrect. He's a junior. NBN regrets the error and updated the story at 12:15 p.m. on April 4.